DIY Cell Phone

Attention cheap skates and non fussed consumers, there is a new website showing you how to make your own cell phone for about $200. And no, you don’t have the be a techo, they give you easy step by step instructions. Just think, if you get cracking now, you could be handing them out as Christmas pressies.  OK, but just be warned , most of the home made phones I have seen look suspiciously like bomb devices or really bad highschool woodshop projects …just saying.

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Unluckiest Bastard Award

The award for the unluckiest bastard of the week goes to the Ugandan thief who stole a cell phone from a Ebola virus patient . Dear lord, you are a fool.

Psst Yes, of course he now has it.

Check Your Phone I Sent You Something

Definition of crazy? When a New York man digs up a woman’s dead pet chinchilla and then sends her pictures of it to her cell phone. The guy is currently in a hospital psychiatric ward waiting evaluation.

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To Be Sure To Be Sure

A Delta Airlines plane made an emergency landing at Dublin airport after a passenger plugged his cell phone into the shaving socket in the plane’s loo and the pilot got suspicious. Move on, nothing to see here!!!

Heads Will Roll

Let this be a warning to you all, never, ever check photos on a mobile phone you found, especially if it belongs to an embalmer at a mortuary. Two young kids found the phone in a ditch and later when their daddy checked the sim card on his computer they discovered a photo of a smiling man holding up the decapitated head of a train victim. And cue nightmares!

Psst There is now a police investigation.

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How They Caught Osama Bin Laden

It took 10 years before someone finally used a cell phone. Seems the only reason why Osama is now the devil in the deep blue sea,  is because his right hand man, Sheikh Abu Ahmed, used his cell phone to talk to an al Qaeda operative who was being bugged. Doh! The golden rule of the Bin Laden club has always been never, ever use your cell phone to talk. Whoopsie, seems Ahmed stuffed up. He used a cheap phone to chat with a mate who was being bugged by the CIA. Sheez, it could have been worse, he could have got caught in the Sony PlayStation Network breach.

Psst Sheez, the CIA could have simply got Steve Jobs to find him via iTunes!

Go Get Forked

Oh for goodness sakes give Shannon Hall a break, the poor thing was arrested after  trying to eat her Denny’s meal in peace when some inconsiderate man answered his cell phone and began talking loudly and swearing in a booth next to her. Come on people,  wouldn’t you throw a utensil at him too?

The Psycho Always Rings Twice

Attention people, whoever is smuggling in cell phones to Charles Manson can you friggin quit it. This is the second time the scariest man on earth has been caught with a phone. Hello, the dude is the god of mind fuck. All we need is another group of wacko followers to get caught in his manipulation tactics for goodness sakes. He’s been locked up for near 40 years imagine how pissed he is…and vengeful ?

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Well Now YOU Are charged

No Cody No, how many times have I told you burglars, don’t leave your friggin cell phones charging at the scene of the crime! Cody Wilkins plugged his phone in to charge whilst robbing a house in Maryland but got sprung by the homeowners son and had to flee through a window. Dude! Sheez, police suspect he’s been involved in over 42 burglaries since the beginning of the year, which is like less than 40 days. Hmm, no wonder you have to keep charging that damn phone!

The Dangers Of Being A Suicide Bomber

OK, here’s the thing suicide bombers, make sure when you’re preparing your friggin cell phone activated suicide belt , no one sends you a text message before hand and sets the damn thing off. A Russian woman who was planning to blow herself up in Red Square on New Year’s Eve was blown to smithereens a few hours before when her cell phone provider sent her a Happy New Year text , triggering the detonation. She and her house were pretty much blown to kingdom come!

Psst There goes the 72 virgins!