Tag Archives: church

Holy Olive Oil

priest 2If there ever was a law suit waiting to happen.An Auckland evangelical church is offering a cure all oil to its followers. The church claims the magical oil can cure schizoprenia, tumours, strokes and marriage problems (to name a few). What is the magic potion you ask? Hmm, it is none other than olive oil… but wait… the oil has been blessed at the sites of biblical miracles in Israel which makes it special.In their newslatter they say “The Holy Oil was chosen by God as an instrument of faith to heal the sick …If you have faith and use the oil in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, God will bless you,” Good luck with that.

Psst Do you cook with it or rub it on? Confused.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Well I Never

God Shakes His Head

dunceOK, here’s the thing , when repeatedly stealing from your local church, don’t be selling the stuff at a garage sale in the same neighborhood. That is dumbass 101. Hmm, and to think god created them.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Homophobia is Alive and Kicking in American Churches

And they call themselves Christians? The Apostolic Truth Tabernacle in Greensburg, Indiana posted this charming video of a little tyke singing ‘Ain’t No Homos Gonna Make It to Heaven’.  Well I don’t know about them, but in MY heaven they’ll be helping me decorating my cloud! Sheez, what happened to Love Thy Neighbor?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Church of Prostitution?

I'll take you to heaven mister

Yeah, about that Phoenix Goddess Temple, aka the “sexual healing” church, police think it’s more like the Phoenix Temple of prostitution so they have  raided it. Now the temple practitioner Wayne Clayton and 12 of his healers have been arrested despite them maintaining the sex sessions are part of their religion and are for “healing” purposes not money for sex. Good luck explaining it ain’t a house of prostitution  to a grand jury.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !

Friggin GPS

In 50 meters take the next right

OK people, how many times must I say it, global positioning systems (GPS) are evil. Don’t believe me, well just ask the British pensioners who drove their Renault into a church in Germany because the GPS told them to.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

That Ain’t No Nun

OK people in Little Italy , New York, that nun you’ve seen every day for a friggin decade. You know the one? Sister Milindia, the Episcopal sister with the metal cup begging for donations for  the poor orphan children of St. Joseph’s. Yeah, her. Well, she ain’t no nun. Every day at quitting time she catches the train, lights up a cig, disrobes in street near Linden Boulevard and becomes Mindy LeGrand, a phony nun who belongs to a church founded by a killer rapist.So no, that money you put in the tin ain’t going friggin anywhere, except in her pocket.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

A Pastor On A Motorcycle Fail

You now know what God thinks about bringing a motorcycle into church!!!

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Filed under How Embarrassing, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Cell Phone Jamming Is Illegal

Bummer, a church in New Zealand has been fined for using a cell phone jamming system to stop the parishioners interrupting the services with their dumbassed ring tones. Seems the only ones legally allowed to use the device are prisons. Oh I don’t know, something about putting the community in danger.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Nobody Is Going To Believe Me!

OMG, an 18 year old South African man has been kidnapped by three sex starved women in Chitungwiza and raped in a cathedral. The lucky unlucky man was on an errand to a shopping centre when he was bundled into a car and taken to Harare’s  Roman Catholic Cathedral. It was there he was locked into a room and one of the woman  forced him to have sex with her. It wasn’t until the following morning that the women bundled him back into their car and dumped him at another shopping centre. Teenager 1, cougars 1.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Denial, Sore Loser, Well I Never

They’re Too Sexy For The Church

Reverend accidentally projects sexy images of men

I can explain!

You know what I hate, when you’re a priest and you accidentally project your images of scantily dressed men onto a screen in your church instead of the DVD about the annual diocesan fundraiser (I know which one I’d prefer!). Awkward! Reverend Edward Lyman was setting up his computer for Sunday mass when the images were projected onto the screen by accident.Despite them being non pornographic in nature he was given the flick from St. Anthony, St. Bridget and St. John the Baptist parishes in Throop. Scandal diverted!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!