Tag Archives: cigarettes

Smurfs Wanted For Questioning

Four Smurfs are wanted by police over a bashing in Melbourne. Evidently some poor dude bought cigs at a 7 eleven before being confronted by one of the Smurfs desperate for a smoke. After refusing to light the cigarette for the Smurf, the man was allegedly assaulted. Police believe the 4 Smurfs hold the key to what happened. The Smurfs were last seen trying to jump start a white VS Commodore.

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Smoking Can Cause Your Nipples to Fall Off

Whoops, what just fell?

A plastic surgeon in Detroit is warning women who have breasts lifts, smoke and your nipples could fall off. Seriously!!! Evidently nicotine and carbon monixide found in smoke can work together to hinder blood flow. So in other words they could turn black and drop off. Dr Anthony Youn warns all his patients to quit or face the consequences. In one particular case he had to use leeches to save his patients tits when they began turning purple. Evidently leeches are brilliant at sucking out the old blood to increase blood flow. Hmm, there is no way I would want a leech hanging off my…ah never mind, fortunately I don’t smoke!

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The Difference Between British and French Thieves

Thieves in England broke into a Lancashire prison (yes, prison) and made off with £8,000 worth of cigarettes without anyone noticing. Meanwhile French thieves made off with $400,000 worth of Louis Vuitton merchandise from a Paris airport after overtaking 4 security guards. Hmm, just goes to show that French thieves are more interested in pleasing their women. That, or they are gay!!!

Psst Thanks Bill for the heads up.

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Monk Charged With Smoking

Smoking.....and you?

Whatever you do DON’T SMOKE in Bhutan. A Buddhist monk has become the first person to be charged with smoking, under the country’s new strict anti smoking laws. That’s five years right there monk! The weeny Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan is on a mission to make their nation smoke free, believing it to be bad karma. In 2005 the sale of tobacco was totally banned, however people are allowed to import up to 200 cigs a month as long as they smoke them in private. Unfortunately the monk was caught with 72 packets of chewing tobacco.

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Not Until I See Your Face Mister

Cut the crap and show me your face

Hero alert. Don’t mess with no convenience store clerk in Oswego County, New York, fool, it’ll only end in tears and an arrest. When Rashad Wilson entered the Kwik Fill convenience store wearing a ski mask , black hoodie and carrying a handgun he thought  it wouldn’t be hard to convince the clerk into handing over cigarettes. Wrong! The clerk told him no way, unless he took off the mask. Even after Wilson flashed the handgun the clerk refused to budge. In the end a dejected Wilson left empty handed, the clerk rang police and now his sorry ass is in jail. Hasn’t anyone told you smoking is dangerous?

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Won’t See That On The Packet

WTF!

OK smokers finding it hard to quit? Well pull up a chair I think I can help you out. A University of Sydney professor Simon Chapman reckons cigarette filters may contain pig’s blood. Oh yummy, pig hemoglobin. Feeling woozy yet? Hmm, I am guessing the Jews, Muslims and vegetarians are going to be really pissed at this little revelation. So far the Tobacco industry are keeping their mouths well and truly shut about the allegation. Evidently the contents of  suicide sticks are highly confidential and have never been released to the public. Oink!

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Whatever You Do Don’t Smoke!

Someone got a light?

Oh for goodness sakes people, PETA are going to have a fit! Po the pit viper from Taiwan has a two cigarette a day smoking habit thanks to his owner Sho Lau.  Yes, you heard right, a friggin smoking habit. The three year old snake picked up the habit after Lau, a 20 a day smoker, began throwing his butts near the curious reptile. Before long the viper was puffing away too. Po has one in the morning and one at night. Oh and don’t be trying to short change the beast, he gets rightly agitated if he doesn’t get his daily nicotine hit.

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Cold Turkey

Nurses banned from lightinh paralysed mans cigarettesHere’s a dilemma from hell. Nursing home staff of a nicotine addicted Multiple-Sclerosis suffer who can’t move from the neck down, have been told they can no longer light his ciggies! Brendan Nutting has been puffing away quite happily for nearly 3 years until the council run Tasmanian home was taken over by the Hobart District Nurses who are under strict occupational health and safety regulations . Any nurse seen lighting Mr Nutting’s cigarette will be dismissed immediately. Geez and he even has a special robotic arm attached to his wheelchair to hold the damn things.

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Turkish Smoking Ban Not So Good

Smoking ban proving deadly

Smoking ban not taken seriously!

What’s more dangerous, smoking or telling someone not to smoke? A restaurant owner in Turkey was shot dead after he told a group of customers to put out their cigarettes because of a new smoking ban. Hidir Karayigit was just following the letter of the law, when he took away the offending ciggies. Karayigit was shot 4 times for his trouble. Hmm, maybe the government should look at their alcohol laws too! This is the first death linked to the ban since the Turkish government introduced it last month. Hmm, expect more as the nicotine nation rebels.

Psst Turkey has one of the highest smoking rates in the world.

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