Tag Archives: cold

Pole Got Your Tongue

freezing (1)A word of warning to anyone experiencing minus degree temps, please don’t be licking no flag poles, especially one in your front yard. Awkward and embarrassing. The poor 12 year old was stuck by her tongue for 15 minutes while her dad plowed snow because she couldn’t scream for help. Her Attempt at pulling it free simply ended with blood.By the time anyone noticed the girl frantically flapping her arms around, the embarrassment had been complete. She is expected to have a swollen tongue for 6 weeks.


Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Frost Quake

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

What the hell is a “frost Quake”? Hmm, seems the loud booms being heard by Torronto residents is just water in the ground expanding due to the friggin freezing temperature. When it gets to an icy cresendo it goes snap, crackle, boom scaring the crap out of everyone. Mother nature messing with you, eh.


Filed under Well I Never

I’m Gonna Be Late For Work!

Honey, sweetie, darl, when you decide to hop a freight train to catch a ride to work, don’t be ringing 911 when the friggin train fails to stop at your destination. The dude rang from atop the train and also bitched about being cold. That’s a misdemeanor trespassing charge right there.

Want sauce with that?


Filed under Sore Loser, Whoops!

I’m Just Saying

Forget a comet strike, dinosaurs died from the friggin cold claims scientists. So they are to blame for the advent of cardigans! Bastards!


Filed under Friggin Research, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Drop Lizards

Just imagine a frozen lizard instead of a cow.

Forget friggin drop bears people, Florida has drop Iguanas. I am not kidding, these lizards are literally falling out of trees thanks to the freezing cold weather. Poor friggin things go into a hibernation type state when temperatures drop below 40 degrees F and if they happen to be up a tree at the time well …timber!!!! Police are warning the public of the danger of collecting the frozen lizards… they aren’t dead. Just ask the guy who collected a heap and then threw them in his car. Didn’t he get a nasty surprise when they awoke up in the warm vehicle.


Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never