Tag Archives: contaminated

Vile Bile Beer

doctor_rushing_patient_on_gurney_lg_whtIf you are in Mozambique and someone offers you a slip of their traditional beer from a shared keg, just say no. There is a likihood it is contaminated with crocodile bile which is deadly. Evidently the bile Beer was passed around at a funeral over the weekend putting nearly 200 in hospital and 69 in the morgue. A very busy funeral director.

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Filed under Friggin Gross, Well I Never

Calling Erin Brockovich, Erin Brockovich to the front counter please

No need to panic people

No need to panic people

I’m hoping no one is sipping water in West Virginia because I hear  4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol can be a bitch (despite it smelling like licorice). Freedom Industries have made a brief apology to the 300,000 residents who can’t even brush their teeth thanks to their 35,000 gallon of toxic crap that leaked from a storage tank and straight into the water suppy. We bad? Every friggin enviromental agency in the US is shaking their collective heads and muttering “we knew this would happen.”

Psst Seriously, I think I would move.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Step Away From The Green Tea

OMG, it’s bad enough bunnies are being born without ears but when Japan’s green tea is contaminated with friggin radiation…everybody panic. Hmm, yes Japan’s biggest growing tea area, the Shizuoka prefecture, is reeling after high levels of radiation were recorded from this year’s first harvest.  The scary part is the radiation was found by accident after a mail order Tokyo company had it privately tested. Authorities fear contaminated tea may have already gone to market, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact around 42% of Japan’s green tea comes from the Shizoka area. Green tea is to Japan what Champagne is to France. Needless to say the tea growers are friggin furious, not to mention the Loon, who drinks copious amounts of imported Japanese Gyokuro green tea.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Japan, Friggin Scary

Killer Cucumbers Spread Fear In Europe

Boo

Dear god people, you might want to arm yourself with  salad forks, the vegetables are revolting. Like out of some vegan horror film, Spanish cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuces are knocking people down like flies all over Europe. Armed with E.coli the vegetables have so far killed two people in Germany and attacked over 300 in Britain, Sweden, Denmark and the Netherlands. Authorities fear these nasty vegetables maybe targeting healthy eaters (especially vegetarians) and are hinting that disgruntled meat eaters might be behind it! The best way to determine if you’ve been E.coli-ed is to check your diarrhea for blood.I recommend you stay indoors, check your fridge for any suspicious looking food and order pizza until further notice.

Psst OK, OK, OK,  I made up the part about disgruntled meat eaters!!!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Nuclear Meltdown Imminent

Don't panic, its just health and safety regulations

OMG, nuclear experts are fearing the worst after Japan announced they were pouring seawater on the nuclear reactor to try and avoid a Chernobyl. One expert described their attempts as a ‘Hail Mary’ and was more an act of desperation than of a serious attempt at stopping what is already feared …MELTDOWN!!!! Oh shit get the sand and concrete ready people!!! Hmm, I’m off to eBay to find me a radiation proof snuggie!!!

UPDATE : It is now being reported up to 120 people may have been contaminated and suffering radiation poisoning. Many were patients from a nearby hospital who were forced to wait outside for evacuation.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Japan, Friggin Scary

So That’s What’s On The Bottom Of My Rice Cooker

Forget about China’s contaminated milk, it now seems their friggin rice is full of harmful heavy metals. Yay industrialization! It is feared over 10% of all rice grown in China contains nasty metals like cadmium, arsenic and mercury. The reason rice is so susceptible is that polluted irrigation water from nearby mines absorbs is easily into the plant. Ah never mind, they’ll probably export it all anyways!

Psst Shame it doesn’t include lead I think I need a few fillings!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Honey, Feel Like Some Bacon and Eggs?

Hello, I ate that shit!!!!

Oh my, feeding animals with toxic , cancer causing chemicals can’t be good. Urgh, just ask the  4,700 German  farmers (so far) whose livestock have been contaminated with dioxin, a cancer causing chemical and their farms closed indefinitely. The culprit?  Harles and Jentzsch. It has been alleged  the company accidentally  supplied 3,000 tonnes of it to animal feed makers.The shit was supposedly intended for use in bio-oils not animal feed.  Now it is feared that over 150,000 tons of the contaminated poultry and swine food has been used by farmers. Hmm, to make matter worse tests were done in March but the results (which are alarming) weren’t announced until December.  OMG, that means people have been getting dioxined all year long…..everybody panic!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Well I Never, Whoops!

Blue Mozzarella

When your balls turn blue that’s a recall.Italian police have confiscated 70,000 balls of mozzarella in Turin after people began complaining the white cheese was turning blue when removed from its packaging. Agriculture Minister called it “disturbing”. Tests are currently underway to see if they can detect any foreign substance.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Biggest Mass Poisoning In History

OMG, if you are planning a trip to Bangladesh anytime soon, make sure you only drink bottled water. Researchers fear that up to 77 million people in Bangladesh have been exposed to extremely high levels of arsenic found in village water wells. In other words it’s potentially the biggest mass poisoning in history. One in five deaths in the country are linked to high arsenic levels in their system. The irony is that these villages were encourage to dig wells rather than to use filthy water from the rivers not realizing that arsenic is found in abundance in the soil and rocks.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Honey, Why Are You Glowing?

Look, we just want you to wear it as a safety precaution!

Holy friggin Silkwood Batman. No need for panic just yet, but a Savannah River Site worker, who accidentally pricked his finger on some waste materials, is being tested for internal radioactive contamination. OK, the scare meter has just gone into red. Evidently the man had been working with waste, contaminated with radionuclides, when his finger was punctured by something in the muck.Despite medics closing the wound, the poor victim won’t know for several weeks , if or by how much, he’s  been contaminated. Oh dear, I am guessing the wife will be sleeping in the spare room until then!

Psst Hmm, wouldn’t he glow in the dark?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!