Purebred Unicorns

Sorry I didn’t have a unicorn GIF … because they don’t exist

Hey Loons, want to buy a pair of real life unicorns? Well someone on Craigslist is selling a male and female for $930,000. But Loons, “SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY PLEASE”. The sellers says they are the only fully licensed unicorn breeder in North America which means this isn’t a hoax. Ooooh and if you want to raise one from birth they also offer unicorn eggs.

The full ad reads …

“We are selling 2 purebred unicorns. Male is 3 years old named Pagasus. Female is 5 years old and named Daisy. Price of $930,000 USD is per unicorn.

Unicorns are hand fed from birth, and require just as much attention if you do decide to welcome a unicorn into your home.

We are the only fully licensed unicorn breeder in North America, and are NUBAA certified. Call now to be put on the waiting list, on which wait times start at 9 months out

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY PLEASE

We also offer unicorn eggs for purchase.”

Just Another Wal-Mart Offering

A multi-tasking, entrepreneurial employee of Wal-Mart has allegedly been operating a side business in the store bathroom. Yes, he’d been soliciting Wal-Mart customers for a little hanky panky in the toilets. In an act of pure genius he had been using Craigslist as his advertising platform for which to organise dates and times, then  he’d toddle off during his break to perform sex acts with them for money. On the days he wasn’t working at Wal-Mart  he would use the bathrooms at Crandall Public Library. Sheez, talk about a man in demand.

Want sauce with that?

Craigslist Babysitter Fail

OK, one more time people, do not and I repeat do not, get a male babysitter you found on Craigslist to go anywhere near your kids, (including a 6 year old girl) unless he has a friggin police clearance, legitimate references you can phone and a damn good reason why at 32 he wants to babysit kids!!!! Urgh, Steven Knox allegedly sexually assaulted the 6 year old girl at his home (WTF?..at HIS home??????). Seriously people!!!!

Want sauce with that?

Serial Killer Alert

No need to panic people of New York, but you may just have a serial killer lurking about. Body number 6,7 and 8 have just been discovered on a remote beach near New York City. Police fear the murderer is selecting his victims from “personal” ads on internet sites like Craigslist (the serial killer site of choice!). All are believed to be prostitutes. The first set of fives bodies were discovered in December 2010 after police scoured the area looking for missing sex worker Shannon Gilbert. She was thought to have been in the area to meet a client but the alarm was raised after a woman, fitting her description, came to the door of a house in a gated community begging for help but fled when the occupant tried to ring police. A short time later a man drove past the house asking about the woman but then sped off. None of the bodies found have been identified as Shannon Gilbert.

Freshly Squeezed Breast Milk

Got Milk

Attention women who cannot nurse, Breanna Clemons is selling her breast milk on Craigslist. So far she has 200 bags of freshly squeezed milk waiting but as of yet no takers. Oh and if you are worried about catching something like HIV, no worries, you can meet with Clemons, visit her home and check her medical records. Sheez, not even my dairy farmer offers that!

Attention Perverts And People With Panty Fetishes

Dude, just throw them away!

Can the person who left a bag of clean and dirty women’s undies in a bush at Beacon Hill Park contact the man who found it before his wife returns home, thanks. Some dude posted an ad in Craigslist looking for the person who misplaced a bag of 216  used women’s knickers. The poor guy can only keep them until Sunday because that’s when his wife returns home from an overseas trip. Hmm, OK, if they do belong to you and there ain’t no way in hell you want to show your face, the man says he will leave them at the corner of Dallas Road and Government Street next to a fire hydrant.

Want sauce with that?

Serial Killer Alert

Everybody panic!!!!

You know what I hate? When you are looking for a missing prostitute and discover four bodies not even related to the case. I really friggin hate that! Police suspect a  serial killer has been going about his business on Long Island’s Jones Beach and then dumping each victim from a car. The  badly decomposed bodies are believed to have been killed elsewhere before being disposed of over the past 18 months. Eyebrows are being raised by New Jersey police who found 4 bodies (prostitutes) near Atlantic City in 2006 in similar circumstances. Yes loons, of course Craigslist is involved. The missing prostitute, who sparked the initial search, was meeting a client she found on Craigslist. Duh, it’s the serial killers weapon website of choice.

Hey, You’re Not Autistic!

Oh for crying out loud Mark Anthony Richardson Jr what the hell were you thinking? Junior admitted to acting severely autistic , wearing diapers, drinking from a baby’s bottle and using a pacifier to con babysitters into looking after him. Ewh! The babysitters told the cops he got sexually aroused when they changed his diapers. One even got her boob squeezed. Junior used Craigslist (of course!) to find potential victims.

Psst Oh, give the dude a break, he’s only 4 ft 9″ and lives in Oklahoma.

Craigslist Killer Dead

Remember the clean cut Boston University medical student Philip Markoff who was accused of killing women on Craigslist? Yeah, well, he’s dead. Police suspect he committed suicide in his cell.

Hello, 911?

OK, here’s the thing mister, you don’t ring 911 to bitch about a girl you paid for on Craigslist   just because she was too old. Oh no, sell stupid somewhere else. Yes, the man had paid her $200 upfront for her to perform a “sexy” dance but was disappointed by her appearance and didn’t want her no more . Oh and for the record his mom was there and she was not impressed either!