Nowhere To Hide

I hate my life!

Hold onto your buckets, an Aussie cruise ship arrived in Sydney with 182 passengers suffering from gastro. I’m guessing no lines at the buffet. After a thorough clean the ship will be cruising back off into the sunset, minus a few.

Cruise Ships Are A Rocking

Ever wondered why so many old people are going on cruises? Well, it seems sex is rife on the cruise liners. So much so that sexually transmitted disease amongst the senior cits is on the rise. Ewh. Now the UK government is issuing warnings to the blue rinse brigade to make sure they take condoms with them on their cruises. Evidently syphilis has increased by 52% in people over 65.

Another Crusie Ship Fail

Note to self, if drifting in a small boat for 16 days and a Cruise Ship passes by, don’t bother waving a red sweater because they’ll ignore you anyways (even if the passengers tell the staff). The luxury cruise ship Star Princess, owned none other than by the same company as the stricken Costa Concordia is currently under investigation. Two of the occupants of the small boat, which had been adrift for a further 12 days, later died. The soul survivor is furious that the cruise ship didn’t stop to save them. Several passengers took photos of the boat which clearly shows them  waving their sweaters. One distraught passenger who was angry the ship wouldn’t stop went onto her computer and notified the US coastguard to no avail.

Wish You Were Here

Dear Mom and Dad,

Just a little note to say thank you for the cruise to the Seychelles as I know how much you guys worried when you realized the ship was from the same fleet as the Costa Concordia. But no need to fret, we have avoided the reefs. Last night I smelled what I thought was a barbeque but it turned out to be a fire in the engine room. The captain turned off all the lights so we decided to play hide and seek with our emergency torches. That was so much fun. Tonight the captain wants us to play spot the pirate ships from the deck which I am really looking forward to. The water has been rather choppy so I have avoided eating, which is great because I think I have lost a few pounds and anywho they are only serving dry bread and crackers because they don’t want us getting sick from the food going off in the refrigerators. I tell you this crew are so thoughtful. Evidently we will be floating adrift for a few days so we can experience some uncharted territories. If we are lucky we may even get to see some elusive Somali pirates.I am avoiding using my phone to text you so I have enough battery life to take a few photos of them. I sure hope they look like Johnny Depp. OK, I better go as it is my turn to use the bucket. Evidently the toilets don’t work without power. Who knew? Oh and mom and dad, don’t bother picking me up at the terminal, I might be a few weeks late.

xx

Want sauce with that?

Faster Than The Titanic

Seasoned tourists and people who had seen the movie Titanic knew exactly what was going on the moment  they felt the shudder on the Costa Concordia Cruise Ship. OK, there was no iceberg, but a reef can pretty much do the trick. Seems the luxury liner which was cruising near the island of Giglio hit a spur in a reef tearing a 100m gash in the hull.   Within minutes the cruise ship with over 4,000 passengers on board began to list, things began falling and the lights went out. During the ensuing panic the captain and first officer abandoned ship. They have both been arrested. Meanwhile 41 people are still unaccounted for.

Psst Is it me or are you all humming “My heart will go on”?

Anchors Away

Note to self, when getting drunk on a  ship do not attempt to drop the ship’s anchor while cruising  because that’s a whole lotta trouble  right there! Rick Ehlert was caught on surveillance cameras using gloves and a wrench to drop the MS Ryndam’s 18 ton anchor in International waters off Mexico. OK, it took him 12 minutes and he didn’t quite get it to touch the sea floor but it was enough to see him face  up to 20 years in jail.

Um, About the Toilets!

Happy place...happy place

Picture this… being on a cruise ship with  4,465 other  passengers and not one friggin flushing toilet. Dear god, 4465 you say? The horror cruise began with a fire in the engine room and a little evacuation of passengers to the upper decks….BUT then the 4,466 passengers discovered, that despite the emergency generator being cranked up, there was no aircon, hot food or place to crap.  Dear god, I think I would have to hang my butt over the edge, I don’t cross my legs or clench my butt cheeks for no one. Anywho, the good news is a tugboat is heading to the Carnival Splendor (which is about 150 miles south of San Diego) to tow it and the hot, hungry and full bladdered passengers back to civilization.