Do It Yourself Pain Management

What do you do when doctors won’t fix your sore hand? Build yourself a backyard guillotine and chop it off that’s what. A British guy who had the most friggin intolerable nerve pain for 16 years decided to fix the problem by chopping his hand off after doctors failed to do it. Unfortunately the home made chopping device didn’t cut so cleanly and he had to hack the rest off with a knife. To guarantee the doctors wouldn’t stitch his hand back he built a bonfire and threw it in. After recovering in hospital he discovered, much to his torment, the pain was still there. Bummer. He is now threatening to chop the arm off at the elbow if they can’t find the cause. No Loons, he has been psychologically tested and he isn’t imagining the pain.

Most Painful Ride Home EVER

Dude where’s your penis? A man in China, who cut his penis off  because he thought he would never find love ,  forgot to bring it with him to the hospital when he had second thoughts. Awkward. What makes this story even worse was the mean docs at the hospital told him to get back on his bicycle and ride home to get it. By the time he returned they said it was too late to save it. Hmm, how accurate is the Daily Star reporting, just saying?

Want sauce with that?

When Amish Go Wild

How does a group of Amish rejects reap their revenge after they have been ousted from their community? They sneak back in and cut off the men and women’s hair, that’s how. A group of Ohio Amish misbehaviors who were shown the door are believed to behind the attacks that left men with short raggedy beards and women with hacked to hell hair. Spiteful!

Burning Ring Of Fire

OK, one more time people, if you put a washer or ring on your penis, expect to have a visit from the emergency services to have it removed. Just asked the poor soul from Werribee who had to endure the embarrassment after a metal ring got stuck at 2.30am. Ouch!

Severed Penis Guy Flees

Remember the Bangladeshi man who had his penis cut off by a woman he was attempting  to rape ? Yeah him. Well he’s done a runner from hospital in an attempt to avoid arrest. Hey mister, if you’re wondering , the Jhalakathi police station have your severed penis in shrink wrap.

 

A Woman’s Scorn

Oh my, a woman in Sydney allegedly laced her ex partner’s soup with sleeping tablets before bounding his hands and feet then chopping off his penis and stabbing him. Xian Peng had just returned from a trip to China when Jian Chen carried out the attack. Mr Peng died later in hospital. No word on what provoked  Chen but usually when the penis goes, another woman is involved.

Come On Docs, I Can Live With A Black Penis!

Come back Mr Taveras

Run man, run. Luis Rodríguez Taveras attempted to flee from a hospital after he got wind doctors were going to cut off his penis. The man, who had swallowed a large amount of sexual stimulants, had a prolonged and painful erection (27 hours) which had caused it to turn black. Doctors feared it may have turned gangrene and planned to have it amputated. Mr  Taveras said “I could not live without my penis.” and tried to get the hell out of there. Fortunately the erection subsided after seeking treatment from another urologist at a different hospital.