Tag Archives: Dallas

Might Want To Avoid Texas

richard-simmons2No Need to panic Dallas  …. EBOLAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !

What Are The Odds?

You know what would really hurt? Having a toilet paper holder impaled in your neck. Just ask the 69 year old woman from Dallas who had a history of knee trouble before she slipped and fell right onto one. Rescuers later removed the holder and the paper which was still attached to it  from her neck before carting her to hospital for stitches.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

RIP Andy Irons

Surfing legend Andy Irons has died at  32. The three times world champion was found dead in his hotel room in Dallas after failing to compete in a surfing event in Puerto Rico.Irons was said to be too ill to fly from Texas to Hawaii and may have died from Dengue Fever. He leaves behind a pregnant wife.

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Filed under End Credit

Let Me Out

OK here’s the thing Mr Judge, if you discover that a prisoner who has been locked up for 27 years is friggin innocent, let him go! Michael Green has been told he will have to wait an extra day before being released because the Dallas court wants to give him time to compose himself so he doesn’t freak out. WTF! Green was sentenced to 75 years jail for a 1983 kidnapping and sexual assault of a woman when he was 18 years old but recent DNA testing proved it wasn’t him. He’s angry, his family are angry and he just wants out!

Psst Irony alert….Green would have been up for parole in October anyways.

2nd Psst Due to the the statute of limitations the 4 other suspects won’t be charged with the crime.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Step Away From the Butt Crack

OK, here’s the thing Dallas women, please don’t put your fingers down someone else’s butt crack unless you want a friggin knife fight. According to the police report a woman rubbed her fingers along her friend’s bum crack, who reacted by clenching her butt. This, the victim claims, caused her to break the bed she was sitting on. The suspect was furious about the bed and attacked the victim before grabbing a butcher knife and threatening to kill her. The victim eventually rang the Dallas police who now have a ton of useless paperwork to fill out.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Say Can You See….

OK, here’s the thing people who bought their plastic US flag from a Dollar Tree store in Dallas, you might want to check the number of stars on it, because last count it was 61! Hmm, seems the Chinese suppliers don’t do any much research when making cheap crap products for the U.S of A. In their defense the Dollar Tree assistant store manager said the flag is sold as “patriotic banner” and not as an American flag. Oh well, that’s different then!

Psst Sheez, you’d expect less stars for your buck wouldn’t ya?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

You Need Balls Of Steel To Work At Home Depot

Hmm, I am thinking the last thing you would want is your testicles twisted by Robin Roberts. Ms Roberts, a suspected shoplifter, allegedly had a confrontation with a Home Depot security guard before twisting his testicles and then pulling a knife on him. The guard had confronted her over several items believed to have been lifted from the store. At some stage during their tussle another man joined in before fleeing. The guard was eventually able to cuff Roberts but then had to ring the Dallas Fire and Rescue after she suffered an asthma attack.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Careful What You Ask For!

OK,  here’s the thing Dallas lady, don’t be telling no purse snatcher to shoot you if you don’t really mean it. Linda Self (63) had just stepped off a bus in Dallas when some guy tried to grab her purse. In the ensuing struggle the man kept threatening to shoot her if she didn’t let go of the purse. Ms Self, who didn’t believe he had a gun, said ‘Well, shoot me,’ so he did!” Whoops! The mugger fled the scene leaving a slightly wounded woman still clutching her purse.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, Sore Loser, Whoops!

I Want Your Sole

When Daniel Wayne Staley went digging around in a Jewish cemetery all he really wanted was a foot, so he took one from the corpse of a  girl. The Dallas teen was caught carrying around the foot in bag after a witness saw it. He has now been charged with theft of a human corpse.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never

What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate

Some cops in Dallas has been ticketing people for not speaking English, a crime that doesn’t exist! So far they have discovered 39 drivers have been duped into have paying the $204 fine. Simply friggin brilliant!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Thanks For Nothing