Darwin Award

A thong wearing idiot tried to blow up an ATM in Australia’s Northern Territory. The impact of the explosion blew him out of his thongs.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

OK, one more time people, do not and I repeat, DO NOT stick a firecracker between your butt cheeks and set it off because  that’s an airlifting straight to hospital right there. The Darwin man now has severe burns to the butt , back and genitals and probably a massive fear of farting.

Darwin Award

We bad? Seems NASA has missed out on capturing some of Venus’s “once-in-a-lifetime” transit of the sun because a road worker in Darwin (ironic) severed a Telstra wire. Whoopsie, no internet connection. No probs, the rest of the world managed to grab the shots.

Oh Shit

Oh for the love of sanitation Darwin, you might want to reconsider closing public toilets at night. Rumor has it the city streets are awash with human feces.Evidently a shopping center manager said he hoses poo off the concrete footpaths and onto the street up to three times a day. Port Darwin MLA John Elferink said “I found four little deposits along the back – it is just gross,”. Problem is during the rainy season many itinerants move from their camps to shopping areas for shelter.

So What You’re Saying is NO?

As if lady!

Honey , Sweetie, darl when approaching a Darwin taxi driver for a little sex on the side, you might want to think about having a shower first. Dean the cabbie picked up the woman outside a tavern and she soon asked if he wanted to have sex…his response…”If you saw the girl you’d have to be pretty desperate. She was a very big fat ugly woman, she got in the car and stunk it out.” In other words, Dean politely declined the offer but then things got nasty. The enraged sheila began swearing, cursing and kicking, then got out of the taxi for some more swearing, kicking and cursing before she threw a bottle through the rear window.Hmm, no one puts the fat, ugly , smelly woman in the corner (even in Darwin)!

Turbulence

You know what I hate? When you are flying from Bali to Melbourne and a passenger with an undiagnosed mentally illness loses it mid flight. I really friggin hate that. The Virgin Blue flight had to make an emergency landing in Darwin to remove the man and cart him to hospital. Meanwhile the 148 passengers will now have a chance to go stir crazy themselves, forced to stay in Darwin  while they wait for an engineer to check the plane because it landed with a huge thud during the drama. Sheez!

Robber Does A Strip Tease

Only in Darwin would a female robber do a strip tease before fleeing in a getaway car. The woman waltzed into a local Subway store around 11.15am waving a knife and demanding money. After being handed around $500 she lifted her top to flash her bikini top before running out to the waiting car.

Baby Thrower Acquitted

WTF, a woman who threw her 10 month old baby on to a concrete floor has been acquitted because…wait for it… she didn’t have the mental capacity to know it was dangerous. In other words she was drunk!!!! The Darwin judge said he had “reasonable doubt” about the woman’s mental capacity despite the seriousness of the offence and therefore acquitted her. Here’s the clincher, the magistrate used a psychiatric report, which claimed years of cannabis and alcohol abuse had affected her ability to solve problems, to determine his decision. Hmm, here’s a thought, maybe you should have used the same report to have the child placed in a safer environment?  Just another example of Australia’s fine judicial system!

Welcome To Darwin

Whoopsie, the Darwin customs officers would like to apologize to the man who spent three nights in jail for bringing friggin shampoo and conditioner into Australia. Neil Parry was arrested at the Darwin Airport on Friday after a test of his toiletries indicated it contained 1.6 kg of MDMA (aka Ecstasy). $10,000 surety, a search of his boat and his mates houses later, it was discovered it was all a big boo-boo. Awkward.

Topless Fire fighter Draws a Crowd

I think you've seen enough!

When Tash Bennett saw a nearby palm tree catch fire while she was sunbathing, she did what any hero would do. She rand off to raise the alarm and then raced back to fight the fire which was threatening the Alatai Apartments in Darwin. It was only after she put out  the blaze with the fire hose did she realize she was still topless from sunbathing. A witness said “At one stage she had quite an audience, just having a laugh.”