Tag Archives: Delta Airlines

Delta Airlines Has A Food Terrorist

OMG, needles have been found in 6 turkey sandwiches on four different Delta flights from Amsterdam to the US. The sandwiches , made in Amsterdam, were for business class passengers. Only one person was injured after eating the prickly delight.

Psst Hmm, at least they didn’t eat with forked tongues!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

I’m French, F*** You

French? Well, now you're fucked!

OK, one more time people, even if you are French you can’t smoke on a friggin airplane. Franck Lebrun was allegedly caught smoking in a toilet during a flight from Nice to New York. When a Delta Airlines flight attendant and crew member suspected Lebrun had been puffing in the loo they confronted him and told him don’t friggin do it. Later, when seen heading to the toilets again they warned him once more. In response he pushed around a  female flight attendant. Enter federal air marshals who ordered him back to his seat.  After getting more aggressive he was handcuffed and moved to the rear of the plane where he yelled at the passengers “I’m French, fuck you!”

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Body In Landing Gear

Sorry people , we just have to do a head count...1,2,3...

OK, a little word of warning to anyone planning to hide in the landing gear of a commercial airplane…don’t! Japanese authorities have found the body of some poor wretch in the landing gear of a Delta airliner. The dark complexion dude, dressed in blue jeans and a shirt had no passport or personal belongings on him (hmm could be a Colt supporter?). A mechanic stumbled across the grisly discovery after the Boeing landed in Tokyo. Odds are the guy froze to death or suffered a shortage of oxygen, either way it was probably a nasty way to go.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Toilet Terror On Airlines

OK, when he comes out we will all jump him, agreed?

OK people, now that we know there are massive holes in America’s homeland security… hello, even Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s father had warned the US of his son’s fanatical ways…you don’t want to be upchucking in no toilet anytime soon. Some poor Nigerian passenger who was decidedly ill on a Delta Airlines flight caused a scare after he spent an hour in the toilet. Worried flight crew eventually extracted him from his safe haven  and that’s when became verbally abusive. OK, I can see the concern, because it was the same friggin route , airline and flight number as Abdulmutallab and he was Nigerian to boot. Come on people, you can never be too careful after the horse has bolted. Anywho, after being taken into custody and interviewed they were pretty much satisfied the guy was really sick.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Denial, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Sore Loser, Whoops!

Terror In The Skies

Here, give me that!

Just when you thought it was safe to get back on a plane friggin. Authorities believe the Nigerian man who ignited a white substance on a Delta Airlines flight may have links to Al Qaeda. Friggin brilliant, back to the plastic cutlery. The suspect, who is now in hospital suffering second degree burns, lit up the explosive as the plane was about to land in Detroit but it failed to go kaboom! Several people were also hurt in the incident which has now become a full blown WTF investigation after it was announced it was a failed terrorist attack.

Psst The terrorist has been named as Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, an engineering student at University College of London, who surprise, surprise, is listed in the federal counterterrorism files and MAY (but not confirmed) to be on the banned passenger list. Great two biggies to answer…how did he manage to buy a one way ticket with that friggin name and how was he able to smuggle a friggin bomb on board? Geez, what a way to ruin Christmas lunch for the FBI , CIA and Homeland Security people! It’s back to watching Fox News terror meter I guess!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !

Look, Up in The Sky

Tailcone falls  from a Delta Airlines plane and lands on lawn

Honey, did you put that monstrosity on my lawn?

On come on people you should be grateful it wasn’t the whole friggin plane! An 20lb engine tail cone fell off a Delta Airlines jet soon after take off, sending it plummeting thousands of feet straight onto a Long Island resident’s lawn. Brilliant. Oh and don’t worry about the Boeing 777, aviation officials said the plane didn’t need the part to fly anyways. Hmm?

Psst Not even the pilot noticed the friggin exhaust cone had fallen off!!! Hmm, probably sleeping or playing on his laptop.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Whoops!

More Reasons Not To Fly

No need for alarm but has anyone seen a wee tarantula?

No need for alarm but has anyone seen a wee tarantula?

OMG, what is going on people?  A British Airways flight was cancelled after a passenger spied a tarantula crawling between his legs and in New York a mouse grounded a flight at JKF after messing with the pilot. Has the world gone friggin mad? The British Airways flight had just landed in Edinburgh when the man raised the alarm after some big, hairy 8 legged creature  wandered up his leg. A specialist fumigator (is there such a beast?) was sent in for the kill. Meanwhile across the Atlantic a mouse was behind the delay of a Delta Airline plane headed to Heathrow . Seems the pilot refused to take off  due to fears the little bugger could have bitten through wiring. Passengers had to wait three hours for a rodent free plane to arrive. Can I have the window seat?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Do We Have An Exorcist On Board?

OK, lets just pretend we're at church until we can land!

OK, lets just pretend we're at church until we can land!

You know what I hate? When you are on a Delta airplane and some passenger starts quoting Bible passages and won’t let you go to the toilet, I really hate that! Paul Marchuk III was charged with disorderly conduct after the flight was diverted to Nashville. Evidently he became unruly when a person sitting next to him wanted to go to the loo. That was enough to set him off. He began ranting that his blood would be on her and she was not going to leave. When several passengers tried to restrain him he bit one of them on the leg. Just another reason to hate flying!

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

When You Got To Go, You Got Go.

Will we ever get to the bottom of it?

Will we ever get to the bottom of it?

Joao Correa claims he had eaten something really, really dodgy in Honduras. Thirty minutes into his Delta Airlines flight to Atlanta his bowels began to rumble.  Wouldn’t you know it, that was the same time the friggin beverage cart came rattling down the aisle. Mr Correa couldn’t passed it so he asked a flight attendant if he could use the business class lavatory urgently. Request denied. So a sweating Mr Correa stood around pinching his butt cheeks for a few more minutes before weighing up his options  a) crap in undies b) do what it takes to get his arse on that bowl. He decided on option b) and made a sprint for the business class toilet. As the flight attendant put up her arm to stop him he claims he grabbed it to stop himself falling. Attendants story… he grabbed her arm pulled it down and twisted it. Anywho Correa was arrested on landing at Atlanta and spent two days in jail.No word on whether he got to the toilet or not!

8 Comments

Filed under Denial, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing