Tag Archives: dildo

Man Blamed For Dildo Extinction

Oh dear, A CNN anchor made a freudian slip when he stated that humans hunted the dildo into extinction. Hunted? I’d just wait until the battery was flat!!!!

 

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

Vibrating Dildo Gets Wedged

What is worse than getting a dildo stuck up your butt before turning it off? Vibrating all the way to the ER and having to tell doctors to please extract it or at least turn the goddam thing off. The guy also tweeted about his woes during the entire spectacle.

tweet about dildo

 

ouch

ouch

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Stop! Or I’ll …..

It's all just a horrible misunderstanding!

Hmm, since when has a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” (dildo) been considered a weapon? When Carolee Bildsten (57) allegedly used it as self defense against a cop. Oh boy. The story is a tad long winded so here’s my diluted version…Bildsten goes to Joe’s Crab Shack for a meal and  a couple of drinks, she’s a tad pissed and has forgotten her purse.She tells the bartender she’ll toddled home to get some cash (psst she has a broken foot). Gives up on a taxi and walks. Police eventually find her lying in the grass (she tripped, OK!!). They take her home, she goes to her sock draw to get her money and one of the officers startles her. That’s when she reached for her dildo in self defense (can’t trust those Gurnee police officers!). That’s an arrest right there. Bildsten is  an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous and is working hard at improving her life. You go girl!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!, You Go Girl!

Baby You Can Light My Fire

Are you sure?

Well, well, well, people, don’t be thinking prehistoric woman were just being dragged around by the hair all day long. Scientist believe they have unearthed the world’s oldest sex toy. Yes, sex toy. Oooh and it was multi-functional to boot. The 30,000 year old siltstone (aka dildo) was unearthed in a German cave by scientist and after close investigation they have concluded that the stone was used not only as a device to ignite fires but also as a device to satisfy the cave woman. The sex toy, which they believe was discarded after it broke, features caved rings around one polished end and scratch marks on the other, used for striking flint. Hmm, so even 30,000 years ago women had to find other ways to satisfy themselves! Nothing friggin changes.

Psst Thank god for batteries!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, You Go Girl!

K-Mart goes Wal-Mart

Assistance in aisle 5

You know it maybe tolerated in WalMart but you don’t go around K-Mart in speedos and panty hose making a kerfuffle, no sirree. Seven men reaped havoc at a the Panama City Beach department store, one was running around in speedos and sneakers, while another was wearing a pretty white dress with red panty hose and lipstick. Oh and we won’t mention the man carrying around a double ended dildo either.They were all eventually rounded up and sent on their way. This isn’t friggin WalMart!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Fat Murphy’s Penis Fell Off

OMG, a fake penis fell off an alleged crime lord during a raid in South Africa. The police said the strap on dildo fell off  the suspect when they searched his premises. Fat Murphy told the court he was a hermaphrodite who went under two names Fadwaan and Hilary. He was born with a unpenetratable vagina and male organs. Fat Murphy was feared on the streets of Cape Town’s notorious Cape Flat suburb. Hmm, not anymore!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Evolution Be Damned!, How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!