The Yeti Is Real

Oh crap, they’re onto us!!!!

Russian scientists have confirmed Sasquatches (Yetis) are real folks, real!!!! Evidently DNA tests from strange hairs found in a Siberian cave have been confirmed as belonging to an unknown mammal that is closely related to us homo sapiens.  I can see you all raising your eyebrows but no one from Jersey Shore has ever been to Russian let alone shed hair in a cave.

Want sauce with that?

So This Is What It’s Finally Come To?

Owners at an Ohio apartment complex are so pissed at residents who fail to pick up their dogs doo-doo they are using DNA testing to find the culprits. Yes indeedy, the offending feces will be scooped up and sent to the  ‘Poo Prints’ DNA program for identification and then the owners will then be fined $200. Pity the fool with that job!

Could The Mystery of D.B. Cooper Finally Be Solved?

Remember the story I wrote about D.B.Cooper back in 2008? No? Well here it is here. OK, lazy bastards, don’t want to read it, fine! He’s the dude who hijacked a Northwest airline in 1971, demanded (and got) $200,000 , then parachuted out of the plane  over Washington  and was never seen or heard from again.  Oh, except for some tatty 20 dollar bills a hiker found a few years later.  Anywho, the FBI believe they have solved the case  and have a suspect. They are DNA testing items belonging to the man as we speak, to try and match it with DNA they found on a tie Cooper left on the plane before Geronimo-ing. The bigger bummer is the FBI aren’t revealing if the suspected D.B. Cooper is actually dead or alive.

Dr Crippen Didn’t Do It

OMG, remember Dr Hawley Crippen the American homeopathic physician who was convicted of poisoning his wife, Cora , in London over a hundred years ago? No? Well anywho, thanks to DNA testing, we now know he didn’t do it. Shame they hanged him for it. Awkward. Scientists have confirmed the headless and limbless body found at the couple’s home in the coal cellar wasn’t hers but a male’s . So were the hell did Cora get to? Who the hell belongs to the body? OK, to be fair Crippen may have bumped off the man but given that police only discovered a piece of skin, curlers with bleached hair and a piece of Men’s pjs it would have been hard to prove jack! Where is friggin Sherlock when you need him?

Want some sauce with that?

That Will Explain The Smell!

Doh!

Sheez guys! A corpse has been found on the roof of a police station in India. Seems it’s been up there for 2 friggin years! Whoopsie. Chukkan Nishad went missing in 2007 and was later found murdered. His body was suppose to be DNA tested but one thing lead to another and he was put in a body bag and left on the roof. Police will return his bones to the family after they finish the appropriate paperwork. Hmm, why bother?

Psst Mr Nihad’s murder is now a cold case.