Tag Archives: drug smuggler

Looking Like A Fool, With Your Pants On The Ground

Police suspicious of enormous bulge in man's groinOK loons, this is what I don’t understand, how can you carry $61,000 of heroin in your undies, without them dragging along the ground? Seriously, drug smugglers must have some awesome super strength secrets in their lingerie. Anywho , one Colombian dude wasn’t snug enough to outsmart New York customs. See ya.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass

Granny Drug Mule Faces Firing Squad

One more time people, DO NOT  smuggle drugs into Indonesia for crying out loud. A British granny is now facing the firing squad after getting caught with $2.5 million worth of cocaine in Bali. Despite prosecutors wanting a 15 year prison stint, she has now got herself a death sentence, thanks to a non amused judge. In handing down the sentence the judge said she had damaged the image of Bali as a tourism destination (and like shooting her won’t either?)  and weakened the government’s anti-drugs program.  In her defence Lindsay June Sandiford  claims she only did the drug run because the kingpins had threatened to hurt her kids.

Psst Clearly she ain’t no drug lord, just a very silly woman.

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Well I Never

Drug mule or stool pigeon?

For crying out loud lady, smuggling 1,000 grams of cocaine in your diapers ain’t no way to go through life. Karen Morla-Ramos (22) from East Boston was caught at the Logan International Airport after she started acting nervous. Authorities gave her a pat down and viola, they found the powder in a diaper-like garment she was wearing.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Sore Loser, Whoops!

Daddy Dearest

Regrets, he had a few!

OK, here’s the thing Donald Curtis Denney, plotting to smuggle a chunk of black tar heroin to your son in prison was never going to work, especially after the two of you discussed it over friggin monitored telephones for two months. OK Loons, you may upchuck a little after you hear what the two schemed, so be warned. Denney was going to shove the golf sized black tar heroin up his butt and then he was going to pass it to his son (the hard hat bandit) via a mouth to mouth kiss during a visit (nasty). Fortunately he was arrested at the Colorado prison before the tonguey.

Psst Damn! I would have made him exchange the heroin before  arresting him.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Honey, These Chocolates Sure Are Addictive

Don't know, I just gave him a Rocher?

In the latest “how can we get our drugs through customs” a man has been arrested after he stuffed his Ferrero Rocher chocolates with cocaine. Geez, that would be messy, not to mention time consuming. The $600,000 haul was discovered after New York custom agents noticed the choccies Robert Lopera was carrying weighed a ton (OK, maybe not a tone but they were friggin heavy).Sheez, will those friggin Colombian drug smugglers ever learn?

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

God Walks Among Us

Nope, he's not my father!

If you have been wondering what God has been up to lately, he’s been sitting in a Japanese prison for 5 years. Yep, he  got caught trying to smuggle marijuana into Narita airport. OK, he’s not THAT God, he’s the man formerly known as John Paul LaPointe who for some god forsaken reason  fought the Alberta government to have his named changed to  God Dieux and friggin won. God is now living in Edmonton if anyone is faintly interested.

Psst Well at least he didn’t appear as a grease stain in a frying pan this time!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !

Who’d Have The Stomach To Be A Drug Smuggler?

My tummy hurts!A Nigerian drug smuggler has been caught at the Geneva border with 1.7kg of cocaine in his tummy. You would have to be committed! Border guards were shocked when they X-rayed the man and found his stomach contained 123 cocaine filled condoms (18 feet if you stretched it out). Don’t worry yourselves loons, each condom was coated with wax to make the swallowing easier.Geez, he so much as farts he dies! I hope they gave the man a laxative because if he got constipated…kaboom!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

The Humiliation of Being a Drug Smuggler

Is it worth it?

When you have 3.5 ounces of cocaine in your undies you’ll do anything not to be strip searched. The Swedish man who consented to being stripped searched got a tad nervous when the customs officer saw the unusual large bulge near his “sexual organ”. As he tried to secretly remove the package the customs officer wrestled with him and was eventually bitten on the upper arm. Bad enough you get booked on drug smuggling charges,now you’ll have a friggin “assaulting an official” as well! Dumbass!

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

I Wouldn’t Eat The Stuffing

And now for something completely different. A man from Guatemala has been arrested for trying to smuggle a cocaine stuffed chicken through a checkpoint at Dulles International airport in Virginia. Hmm yeah, because sniffer dogs just hate chicken! The cooked chicken was discovered in the man’s suitcase with an estimated $4,300 of cocaine up it’s bum.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!

Drug Mule Fool

I swear man, no druggie , no lie!

Holy dumbass drug mule Batman. Fidelis Ozouli has got to be the stupidest friggin drug smuggler in the world or the most naive. He claims he didn’t have a clue that the 67 packages he swallowed for a mate were full of drugs, let alone cocaine. Drug fool was hiding 1kg of the class A in his gut when he was sprung at Manchester airport. Ozouli stuck out like dog’s balls as he waddled through customs with a hell unnaturally bloated belly. After x-rays, Ozouli took out the prize for one of the largest amount of drugs found internally on any mule by UK customs (well, that’s something right?). The cocaine was 78% pure , had a street value of £250,000 and if one of them had burst he would have been a dead man walking. When questioned, he looked dumbfounded saying ‘I just did not know what they were. I thought I was swallowing something else to take into Britain as a favour for a pal.’ Dude, what are you, friggin thick? Ozouli is from Nigeria but was , until now, studying in London. Oh well, I guess he will be able to finish his degree in jail, compliments of the British taxpayers!

Psst : Luckily he didn’t insert the packages up him bum, nothing more unattractive than a man with a fat ass, right girls?

2nd Psst Geez, I hope he isn’t related to those Nigerian friends of mine…ooh which reminds me, I gotta send them my accounts details !

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Filed under Denial, Friggin Dumbass, Join the skeptic club!, They Live Among Us !