Apparently, in Britain, there has been a massive increase in callouts to help drunken seagulls. It is believed the naughty little scavengers have found themselves a nice pile of brewery waste somewhere. One rescuer complained the birds stunk of alcohol and their van smelled like a pub. Bless. The gulls are sleeping it off at the RSPCA.
Oh dear, a drunk man had a hell of time trying to get passed himself in a mirror.
Ever wanted to know why Aussies slur and apparently only use two thirds of their mouth? Me neither but according to an academic its because early settlers spent most of their time pissed as possums. Go figure, a language built on drunks.
Want source with that?
Oh for the love of flying. When a pilot got no response from an Arkansas airport traffic control tower he called it in. Seems the air traffic control guy was pissed as a squirrel, passed out on a chair, wearing a robe and slippers. Awww, don’t wake him….he’s sleeping it off, bless.
Some words of advice to the drunk Pittsburgh woman. Don’t be attempting to steal a cop car if the cops are still in it. Seems she was a little too drunk to notice when she slipped into the empty drivers seat. Awks.
Some random naked drunk dude enters your home, turns your hot water sink sprayer on full blast, does a huge crap on your carpet then paints the walls with it and the police don’t arrest him. Now that would make you pissed! The family held him at gun point until the cops rocked up but they only cited him for two misdemeanors. Bummer.
Really? A guy in a car rode the curb,kaboomed a parked car and took off the wrong way, while all the time wearing a “Drunk As Shit” tee. Yes loons, he was.
Psst I wonder what t-shirt he’ll be wearing to court?
I knew it, I knew it, not all those court stenographers are typing every damn word. Well, not the alcoholic one from Manhattan anywho. The dude was busted for writing ” gibberish” during more than 30 trial cases. His notes included such great repetitious gems as “I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job” or he simply hit random keys which made no sense. Unfortunately several “high profile” cases are now in jeopardy thanks to his drunken ways. Awks.
Psst Surely someone proof reads the transcript after each trial?
OMG, a man woke up after a night of drinking and discovered his penis was gone. Yep, gone.The dumb struck guy had no idea where it went. Fortunately his neighbors were able to shine some light on his disappearing appendage. Seems a neighborhood dog bit it off. Despite the man remembering being rushed to hospital he still doesn’t believe a dog got his bone.
That poor Czech President Milo Zeman had another bad case of wine flu during a public outing. Mr Zeman insisted he was not plastered but suffering from a virus.