This Is No Yolk

Oh my Bearman, it better not be YOU!!!!! Some poor elderly man in Ohio has had his house egged every day for nearly a year. Despite the police doing undercover stakeouts,  the culprits continue to pelt  his front door in the middle of the night. The attacks go for about 10 minutes and sound like gunshots. His house is now badly damaged from the continual bombardment of rotten eggs. The eggs have been tested in a lab and they have been traced to a local Amish farm.

Gramps Charged With Prostitution

My bad?

Ewh, ewh, ewh, an 83 year old from Iowa has been charged with prostitution after he offered his services to a woman in exchange for a repayment of a loan. Oh lord have mercy! Mr Dawson was arrested after he grabbed the woman and began kissing her neck. Well there goes any chance of becoming a candidate for Centerville’s city council but I bet he will be popular at the retirement village!

How Bad Was It?

You would really have to question how bad a 79 year man was singing at a karaoke bar in New York for a 42 year old man to punch him through a plate glass window, wouldn’t you? Hmm, either way, that’s up to 7 years in prison right there!

Psst I bet it was  Celine’s A Heart Will Go On!!!!!

Want sauce with that?

My, What Strong Teeth You Have

and they aren't even mine!

A big old shout out to the 92 year old man who spent two hours chewing through masking tape after two bastards bound him to a chair and robbed his house.The elderly man let the two men into his house to use the phone after they told him their car had broken down. That’s when they grabbed him and duct him to a chair.The scum got away with $400 in cash and took off in his Ford pickup. I hope there is a special place reserved in hell for people like that.

Dangling Testicles Alert

How's them apples, biatch!

Oh look away loons, this is just nasty. A mobile home park manager has accused a 77 year old tenant of deliberately letting his genitals dangle from under his shorts while she was confronting him about overdue bills. Ewh, I told you it was nasty!  In her statement she said his “testicles and the tip of his penis were exposed through the bottom of his shorts,” (hmm, how friggin short were they?). Oh no it didn’t stop there, he then “placed his hand on his testicles and tucked them back in his shorts.” before extracting his penis from the other side of his shorts.Of course the man is denying everything , telling police “I wear underwear, sir,” Gee, who to believe?

Friggin Neighborhood Watch

For the love of a wheelie bins, what the hell were you thinking? An 81 year old man was rescued  after he rowed out to sea in wild weather to retrieve his neighbors wheelie bin. The pensioner from Anglesey in North Wales spied  the bin being swept out to sea during high tides and did what all good neighbors do, jumped in his dinghy and began rowing. The man somehow managed to secure the wheelie bin to his dinghy by rope and then began to row back in. That’s when the trouble began. The wind was so strong he kept getting blown out to sea and eventually drifted a mile offshore. Enter lifeboat crew. The idiot man, who wasn’t wearing a life jacket or waterproof clothing, is now recovering from mild hypothermia. Here’s a photo of the wheelie bin and dinghy.

Psst When the rescue crew retrieved the wheelie bin it was  still half full with rubbish.

Man With Walker Robs Bank

Oh my, you know the economy really sucks when a 75 year old man with a walker holds up a bank in Canada  and tries to make a slow but steady getaway. After telling staff he had a weapon they handed over some cash and let him go on his merry way. Police picked him up about 45 minutes later still trying to make his getaway in the same mall strip where the bank was located.

You’re Never Too Old

Oh bless, an elderly man with a gun, cane and an oxygen tank attempted to rob a high end clothing store in New York. Despite firing off three shots the man got Jack. As he was shooting at the store manager he was quoted as yelling “You want one? You want another one?”. Despite being a lousy shot  one bullet did manage to pierce eight suits and end up in the pocket of the ninth. The elderly suspect then fled in a black cadillac.

Psst Hmm, Elvis???

Bomb Joke Backfired

Sheez, I was kidding!!!!

Hey psst Draco Slaughter, if you haven’t heard already, Homeland Security don’t have a sense of humor.The 75 year old is in big trouble after he told a flight attendant in New York he had a bomb in his carry-on luggage. Despite saying he was kidding he was arrested and now faces charges which could have him spending his twilight years behind bars. Bummer!

Getting Father’s Affairs In Order!

Coming, ready or not!

OMG, poor Angelo De Luca (81) fell out of a plum tree in Biasca, Switzerland but when he came out of his coma 4 days later he was a sex mad lust machine. As soon as he was out of hospital he blew $5,200 at a brothel in one friggin session on a prostitute young enough to be his granddaughter. “That woman preyed upon my father like he was a Christmas goose,” said Mr Luca’s son who now has taken control of his dad’s houses and bank accounts. Hmm and wait, there’s more, the family plan to sue the hospital for negligence.

Psst Sheez, I hope there is an epidemic of elderly men jumping out of plum trees!