Hello, Is That Stephen King?

Worst fear alert. A Chinese woman was found starved to death in an elevator in her apartment building. Evidently, she had been trapped in the lift for a month without anyone knowing. Scratch marks inside suggests she tried endlessly to get out. Many of the residents in the apartment building were away celebrating New Year festivities while the others used a second elevator unaware of the horror unfolding in the other lift.

Friggin Elevators

Just in case you ever find yourself in a falling elevator, lie on your back, it’s the most survivable position. Jumping on impact is of no valuable use. Oh, but if you have a fat ass try sitting, it can help absorb the g-force.

Psst Oh and make sure the elevator is actually falling before lying on the floor because that could be potentially awkward!

2nd Psst Thanks for the info NPR!

Voice Recogntion Elevator Does Not Do Scottish Accents

I, they don’t do Scottish accents ya bastards….

Psst From the new comedy series  Burnistoun

All Elevators Should Have Emergency Alarm Systems

OMG, an elderly couple have been found dead after an elevator in their home got stuck between floors and they died from heat exhaustion. The 90 and 89 year old were discovered after a concerned newpaper delivery person noticed the papers were piling up.The elevator had no emergency device like a phone for them to call for help. Terrible tragedy.

Lucky She Wasn’t Loaded

She seems pretty please with herself!

It’s not everyday you get arrested for being nude in a Hilton Hotel elevator while brandishing a toy gun… just ask Franchesca Dominique Edwards.

Going Down

Damn thing, someone should report it!

You know what I hate? Getting trapped in a elevator for eight days without any bastard finding me. I really friggin hate that! A 35 year old  woman from Spain was found conscious but disorientated in the apartment lift after her family reported her missing.  When police visited her apartment they eventually heard  her screaming for help. Hmm, how come no one else in the apartment building heard her screams or tried using the lift? Geez eight days, she must have been bored!

Dennis The Vizsla vs the Elevator

OK Loons, you need to go and check out my favorite dog blogger, Dennis the Vizsla, and his owners attempts at getting him and Tucker into an elevator to visit the vet. Seriously it will be the best laugh you have all week. Dennis you are a legend. Dennis vs the Elevator.