OMG guys, seriously? You had a friggin car, two lorries and a forklift truck, and you still couldn’t manage to get the ATM. Get a real job.
Tag Archives: Essex
Feet up people in Essex, seems there is a friggin lion on the loose. Yes, you heard me LION! Witnesses say they saw the beast roaming the area and the thing even roared. One petrified person sprinted passed a group of people screaming “It’s a f**king lion”. All zoos say their lions are accounted for so police are now trying to locate circuses. So loons, if you see a big tan cat with a mane near the village of St Osyth, please don’t pat it.
Psst Maybe he’s a TOWIE fan…hmm, or maybe NOT?
No seriously people, this would have to be the dumbass robber of the year. Picture this, a guy walks into a Southern Fried Chicken branch in Essex branding an airgun, he threatens staff but gets the munchies when he smells the chicken. So in addition to asking for money he also asked the petrified staff to “Give me one of those Hunga Busta Meals too.” He then proceeds to sit down and eat it for 20 friggin minutes. Long enough for staff to ring 999 and call the cops. It was so surreal staff thought it was some stupid TV prank. Dumbass has been charged with goddam everything….and I hope it includes the cost of the Hunga Busta Meals too.
Good morning Nanny State what you got for us today? Say what? You are no longer allowed to swim the length of the council pool for health and safety reasons. Damn, you’re good. Swimmers at the Dagenham Swimming Pool in Essex have been told they must now swim the width (not the length) of the pool to make it easier for the lifeguards to save them. Yes, swimming the length of the pool would mean the Dagenham council would have to employ an extra lifeguard, so it’s short laps for everyone.Hmm, maybe it would be easier just to drain some water and make the pool ankle deep?