Tag Archives: europe

The Brits Are Good At Something

OMG, put down those chip butties girls. It’s official. British women are now the fattest in Europe. Yep, a quarter of them are considered obese. I wouldn’t be snickering too loudly Duncan, one in five British men are as well. According to Eurostats the countries housing the fattest women are UK (23.9%), Malta (21.1%), Latvia (20.9%), Estonia (20.5%) and Hungary (18.8%). The countries housing the fattest mean are Malta (24.7%), UK, (22.1%), Hungary (21.4%), Czech Republic (18.4%) and Greece (17.6%).

Psst US and Ireland have higher obesity rates but aren’t included in the Eurostats. Hello, why is Ireland exempt?

9 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Europe is Aglow

No need to panic just yet but OMG,  low levels of  radiation have been detected across Europe over the past few days. More concerning is the trace of iodine-131, which is a radiation associated with a leaky nuclear reactor or the detonation of nuclear weapon. So far no one knows the origin of the leak or which country it is coming from. Run people, run!!!!

Psst Hmm, maybe it’s  China’s way of effectively cleaning up Europe’s financial mess?????

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Killer Cucumbers Spread Fear In Europe

Boo

Dear god people, you might want to arm yourself with  salad forks, the vegetables are revolting. Like out of some vegan horror film, Spanish cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuces are knocking people down like flies all over Europe. Armed with E.coli the vegetables have so far killed two people in Germany and attacked over 300 in Britain, Sweden, Denmark and the Netherlands. Authorities fear these nasty vegetables maybe targeting healthy eaters (especially vegetarians) and are hinting that disgruntled meat eaters might be behind it! The best way to determine if you’ve been E.coli-ed is to check your diarrhea for blood.I recommend you stay indoors, check your fridge for any suspicious looking food and order pizza until further notice.

Psst OK, OK, OK,  I made up the part about disgruntled meat eaters!!!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Europe Is Stealing Iran’s Rain

What the hell Western scumdogs, you’re stealing our friggin rain. Imadinnerjacket is seriously pissed that Europe is using high tech equipment to drain clouds of water causing Iran to suffer from drought. Imadinnerjacket made the startling allegations while opening a new dam. In a slightly ironic twist following his speech the heavens opened up and it began to rain but that is beside the point. Imadinnerjacket is convinced those European bastards are forcing clouds to prematurely dump their load on their own countries leaving Iran with nothing. Yah, finally someone who isn’t ranting about climate change!

Psst Sheez,  if they weren’t stealing rain before they might just consider it now.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Big Brother Speed Camera

Holy friggin speed camera Batman. The world’s scariest speed camera is soon to be unleashed in  Europe. Not only does it detect lead foots, it also has the ability to check your number plate, make sure you are wearing a seat belt and measures the distance between vehicles in case you happen to be tailgating.  Oh and it can snap you from 150ft away. Did I happen to mention it’s also connected to police computers via satellite, which basically means you’re screwed. The revenue hunting machine is expected to be deployed across Europe in 2013.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !

Happy Ending

An enormous shout out to Ken Thompson, the Aussie man who has been cycling around Europe in search of his missing son Andrew. Authorities have just confirmed they have found him alive and well after his mother, Melinda Stratton, tried to enroll him in a school in Amsterdam. The principal became suspicious over his expired passport and ran a security check and discovered he was on the Interpol. Mr Thompson had spent the last three and a half months cycling through Europe looking for the boy, after his wife, who is mentally ill, fled with him in 2008. Despite efforts by police and Interpol Mr Thompson eventually quit his job, bought a bike and began riding through Europe with a picture of his son printed on the back of his riding shirt in an effort to find him. Sheez, now you can get off that friggin bike!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Mad Cow Disease

Hey good news for the Madhatters, Mad Cow Disease is almost eradicated from the UK. Note Julie,  I used ALMOST!

Two cows in a paddock having a chat. One cow says to the udder “Hmm moooo, did you hear about mad cow disease?” . The other cow says “Who cares, I’m a tractor.”

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never