Best Excuse EVER

A Russian woman claims the reason she kaboomed a deer in her car was because she was being distracted by a sasquatch she spied in her rear view mirror. The woman told police the  mythical creature was chasing a deer and when she took a glance in the mirror…. and then bang,  she took out the deer.

What Clown?

OK, note to self, don’t say you were attacked by a psycho knife wielding clown as an excuse for being late for work. Just saying. An Ohio woman fibbed about the clown and now she has paint on her face. That’s a charge right there. Seems the fence jumping, knife slashing clown was a figment of her imagination…. we hope.

PSST Friggin Ohio, home town of Bearman

Tight Undies Excuse

A Winnipeg MP caused quite a stir with his excuse for leaving his seat during a ballot.

The Mayan Calendar Excuse

A Russian man is refusing to pay his traffic fine because he believes the Mayan calendar. Yep, he has told debt collectors the world will be ending on December 21 so it’s a pointless exercise paying the fine. Hmm, good luck with that.

A Law Unto Themselves

Well, well, well, isn’t this a conundrum. Two Aboriginal brothers Lenny and John Hopiga,who beat up two white fishermen, are claiming they were protecting their land under traditional law. The two anglers, Graham Lynn and Peter Yip, were simply looking for a place to fish when they were assaulted by the brothers with a wooden club. The Kimberley Land Council who are defending the brothers are claiming under “Exclusive Possession Native Title” they have the rights to protect their land from trespassers by using reasonable force if they see fit. Hmm, the brothers claim if they didn’t defend the sacred site they feared retribution from the spirits. Shame all Australians don’t have the same laws apply when people trespass on their property!!!!

You’re Not the Messiah You Just A Very Naughty Creep!

Who the hell is he?

OK, here’s a novel excuse for raping your five daughters…the Messiah complex . Aswad Ayinde (aka Eric or Charles McGill) allegedly had sex with and fathered several children by his daughters because he believed his bloodline would be the only one to survive the impending apocalypse. Hmm, so it wasn’t because you were some sick friggin bastard then? Many of the rapes occurred in an abandoned New Jersey funeral home where the family were squatting. Along with the regular raping sessions, Mr Ayinde beat the children with boards and steel capped boots to keep them from squealing about the atrocities. Geez, imagine THAT bloodline being the “chosen” one.

Psst At least two babies died at birth and several who survived suffer from health problems. None of the offsprings have birth certificates.

Balloon Boy’s Dad Has A Valid Excuse

The future of mankind depended on them!

Hold onto your helium, seems the reason Balloon boy’s dad did the dumbass prank was because he thinks the world is going to end in 2012. But didn’t the Mayans just say that was baloney? Anywho, seems Dick Richard Heene wanted quick bucks to build himself a big bunker for the family before the sun explodes and kills us all. Hmm, now wouldn’t that be ironic if the Heene family were the only ones to survive! Geez, I hope he is out of jail before then, otherwise he comes with us!

Psst Falcon better behave, if there is only enough room for four people I would hate to be on the end of that Sophie’s choice!