Ouch

Note to self, refrain from farting when having surgery. A Japanese woman let one rip during a cervix procedure and ignited the laser and herself.  She received burns to her waist and legs.

Foul!

A soccer player in Sweden let one rip and was sent off by the ref. Yep, a red card for farting. Ref claims it was “deliberate” and “unsportsmanlike”,  he said “I had a bad stomach and so I simply let go”,  players said it was “loud and clear”.

Sheep on a Plane

Pardon me

What do you get when you transport 2,186 sheep on a plane from Australia to Kuala Lumpur? A mid-air emergency. Evidently, the sheep farted so much it triggered the fire detection alarms and pilots were forced to divert the plane to Bali.  Pity the fool who had to open that cargo hold. Nawww stressed sheep are prone to bloat with gas. Good to know.

Maestro Fart

An Aussie comedian who accidentally farted a “major seventh arpeggio in the key of b flat,” (don’t ask me how he knew!!!) has put it to good use.

Psst: I swear men all over the world will be using this as an excuse “Sorry hun, just practising my  major seventh arpeggio in the key of b flat…. you know, my ass is a fine tuned instrument.”

Fart Leads To Fight

A drunk 64 year old man sees a 33 year old woman asleep on her couch so he enters her home and lets one rip right in her face. That’s a beating mister. Both were later issued citations for fighting.

Want sauce with that?

Hand Up, Who Farted?

You know what I hate? When you think you can squeeze out a silent fart just as Judd Trump  lines up for a shot in the Snooker World Championship semi-final against Ronnie O’Sullivan and it goes all terribly wrong. I really figgin hate that. Sheez, I just hope it wasn’t smelly too.

Psst Thanks Susi Spice  for this gem.

Nothing Worse Than a Hippo With Diarrhea

Never, ever stand behind a hippo with the runs. AND yes that is him farting too!!! Oh for goodness sakes someone get him a mop!

Iguana Fart

Come on loons, you know you can’t help yourself, you are going to click because, let’s face it, we’re  all friggin childish!

The Sweet Smell Of Success

My bad?

OK it’s official, no more intentional farting in a Swedish jail. Yes, after guards filed numerous complaints against a prisoner who used farts to voice his disapproval, the flatulence offender has been issued with an official warning. One more time mister and you face punishment.

iToot!

Oh for goodness sakes, now I’m going to giggle and give them that knowing look every time I hear a cell phone ring!