Attention drinkers. If you happened to have bought a bottle of Smirnoff or Jack Daniels from a store in Blackpool (Duncan?) you might want to a) throw them out b) regift c) rinse your mouth out. Seems some prankster filled the bottles with urine and faeces, resealed them and then thought it was funny to sell them to unsuspecting customers.
PSST A new meaning to being pissed.
You know what I hate? When you are out shopping and a septic tanker explodes covering you in poo. I really hate that. Several Chinese shoppers were given a feces shower after a septic tanker went kaboom. One shop owner was traumatized after all of his merchandise was covered in the stinking brown liquid. A spokesman said the crap came from public toilets. Good to know.
He’s Back! Yep, the Houston serial pooper has been spotted again. The man , who had been terrorising the town earlier this year by leaving nasty little deposits, has seen walking the streets clutching a handful of toilet paper.
Two families in Ontario suspect passing airplanes have been dropping crap on their properties and by crap I mean poop. The families say that their cars and driveways where splattered with petrid smelling feces which could have only come from above….. from either a plane or a “pterodactyl”. Airport authorities say samples have been analysed and it definitely ain’t their shit.
Give up? Well it’s a stool tool chart. Cambridge University students Alexandra Daisy Ginsberg and James King have created a yogurt type drink that can turn your shit into all the pretty colors of a rainbow to discover how sick you are. Yep, they have genetically modified all the nasty bacterias into different colors so when you down the “E.Chromi” drink and then crap in the bowl, you can self diagnose. Splendid. So, here’s rundown of the chart…
Yellow = Colitis
Green = Bowel Cancer
Red = Rotavirus
Mauve = Salmonella
Dark Blue = Stomach Ulcer
Light Blue = Worms
Brown = Good to go
This is a hypochondriacs dream!!! Oh and Mega, you might want to ignore this chart as you’ve been pooping rainbow turds for years!!!!
Want sauce with that?
The grossest thing you will hear all day. A Texas mother has been given 20 years behind bars for putting feces in her 3 year old daughter’s feeding tube while she was in hospital. Good lord! Emily McDonald was caught by a hidden camera after hospital staff became suspicious. The little girl had a history of chronic diarrhea. Blood tests revealed she had a bacteria commonly found in poop (thus the hidden camera). Staff were shocked when viewing the footage to see McDonald scooping some poop from the child’s diaper with her finger and then putting it in the child’s IV tube.
Ewh, ewh, ewh, Rasheen Harrison, smearing poo on your pregnant ex-girlfriend’s door and setting it alight, while naked, is no way to go through life. Police said Harrison allegedly stripped naked and shat in the elevator before wiping the feces on his ex’s door and setting it alight. It is also believed he set fire to himself before shouting “I’m the devil”. Harrison was eventually found by firefighters naked in the hallway with poop still on his hands. Later, while in his cell, he continued his feces painting exploits along the walls at the 120th Precinct.
This is some good shit!
Attention people of Arizona, you might want to think twice before taking another puff on your joint. Seems smugglers may be using sewer pipes to transport marijuana from Mexico to the US. Two feces covered bales of marijuana were discovered on a rope feeding into the system following a complaint about a clogged sewer.
Psst Dear lord, have none of you smugglers heard of a plastic bags ?