Attention drinkers. If you happened to have bought a bottle of Smirnoff or Jack Daniels from a store in Blackpool (Duncan?) you might want to a) throw them out b) regift c) rinse your mouth out. Seems some prankster filled the bottles with urine and faeces, resealed them and then thought it was funny to sell them to unsuspecting customers.
PSST A new meaning to being pissed.
You know what I hate? When you are out shopping and a septic tanker explodes covering you in poo. I really hate that. Several Chinese shoppers were given a feces shower after a septic tanker went kaboom. One shop owner was traumatized after all of his merchandise was covered in the stinking brown liquid. A spokesman said the crap came from public toilets. Good to know.
He’s Back! Yep, the Houston serial pooper has been spotted again. The man , who had been terrorising the town earlier this year by leaving nasty little deposits, has seen walking the streets clutching a handful of toilet paper.
Two families in Ontario suspect passing airplanes have been dropping crap on their properties and by crap I mean poop. The families say that their cars and driveways where splattered with petrid smelling feces which could have only come from above….. from either a plane or a “pterodactyl”. Airport authorities say samples have been analysed and it definitely ain’t their shit.
Give up? Well it’s a stool tool chart. Cambridge University students Alexandra Daisy Ginsberg and James King have created a yogurt type drink that can turn your shit into all the pretty colors of a rainbow to discover how sick you are. Yep, they have genetically modified all the nasty bacterias into different colors so when you down the “E.Chromi” drink and then crap in the bowl, you can self diagnose. Splendid. So, here’s rundown of the chart…
Yellow = Colitis
Green = Bowel Cancer
Red = Rotavirus
Mauve = Salmonella
Dark Blue = Stomach Ulcer
Light Blue = Worms
Brown = Good to go
This is a hypochondriacs dream!!! Oh and Mega, you might want to ignore this chart as you’ve been pooping rainbow turds for years!!!!
Want sauce with that?