Say What?

OMG no Burger King , no. The fast food chain is offering free burgers to any ex employees who have been sacked. There is a catch. All you have to do is go onto you LinkedIn account and post this … “I got fired. I want a free Whopper. #WhopperSeverance.” WTF marketing department a) comfort food just adding to unemployment woes b) that is going to kill your LinkedIn profile. Good luck finding another job anytime soon. You will need those burgers. Surely Fake News?

Hey, Has Anyone Seen Al?

A man who worked for India’s Central Public Works Department was given the sack after he failed to show up to work…. for 25 years. The dude went on leave in 1990 and never came back but was still on the payroll. Despite numerous efforts to get the man back behind his desk , he refused and kept requesting extensions of leave. Hmm, I don’t think he cares now, he is eligible to retire.

Penchant for Pot NOT a Disability

Oh for crying out loud mister, you can not, and I repeat can not, use the excuse that your penchant for pot is a disability as a reason to be reinstated after you got fired from your Ottawa City job for buying marijuana while in your work car . The dude took Ottawa City to court claiming they were “obliged to accommodate him under the Ontario Human Rights Code because his penchant for pot qualified as a disability.” The court basically said yeah, NO. Hmm, his resume is going to suck now.

Psst The doctor assigned to assessed the guy said his claims of having a disability were based on “self-diagnoses”.

British Prime Minister Sacks Larry The Mouse Hunter

Poor pussy

How despicable. British Prime Minister David Cameron has given one of his staff members the flick due to his inability to fulfill his job requirements. It is with great sadness to announce the firing of Larry the “Chief Mouser”. yes, the little kitty hired to rid 10 Downing Street of vermin has been sleeping on the job. In fact since taking the illustrious position in February 2011, he has only caught one mouse, and that was last month when he obviously got wind of the his boss’s discontent. Hmm, I’m guessing it’s back to the animal shelter for Larry as Freya the tabby takes his place.

Survive That Sunshine!!!!

Holy survival kit Batman, Bear Grylls has been fired from the Discovery Channel. Tsk, tsk that’s what happens when you have a continuing contractual dispute people.

You Can Make The Short Blacks and Expressos!

Oh boy, the US government is suing Starbucks Coffee company for firing a dwarf. Yep, seems an El Paso store violated the federal law by refusing to supply the short barista with a stool or step ladder so she could reach the coffee machines. The employee, who had been training for three days, had asked for a stool so she could do her job but her request was denied and instead she was fired. Starbucks claim the reason for her dismissal was because she could be a danger to customers and workers. Sheez, give me a break,  haven’t they seen the Roloff’s in action?

Winning Fail

Warner Brothers have just said adios to Carlos Irwin Estevez (that’s Mexican for dumbass). Yep, Charlie Sheen has had his crazy ass fired from Two and a Half Men, effective immediately. Hmm, how’s that “winning” working for ya?

Psst Hey Charlie, I hear there is a bunk waiting for you at Gaddafi’s pad!

Biting The Hand That Feeds You

Oi, oi, oi, if you want to make it in the cut throat world of fashion its best you don’t be sprouting anti-Semitic tirades and declaring your love of “Hitler”, it’s career suicide John Galliano I say, career suicide. The British fashion designer has found himself landing on his petite little ass after a video surfaced of him insulting French cafe patrons and declaring “I love Hitler”. Christian Dior have announced they are sacking the 50 year old. Oh boy. It doesn’t help that the face of Dior perfume is Oscar winning actress Natalie Portman, who is Jewish and now “deeply shocked and disgusted” by Galliano’s behavior. Hmm, hey Galliano, there is a spare seat over there, near Mel.

What Is The Internet?

OMG, LOL, someone from NBC got fired for uploading  this onto YouTube. This is a 1994 clip of Bryant Gumbel and Katie Couric trying to get their heads around WTF the internet is!

Psst Hmm and apparently the internet didn’t require a phone line in 1994…sheez, who knew?

Death Of A Snowman

The Illinois bus driver who deliberately murdered a snowman has been fired. OK, forced to resign after he swerved onto the wrong side of the road to kaboom a snowman built by Uni students. Laying in wait the students filmed the naughty bus driver as temptation got the better of him and then posted the footage on Youtube. Hmm, me thinks the students have a lot to answer for. Dumbasses shouldn’t place any obstacle in the middle of a friggin street.