About Friggin Time

So loons, it seems the only way to get a lifetime bus pass in Florida is turn 103. A 103 year old granny, who is a frequent bus catcher, was presented with the pass on her birthday. Now she can go to and fro from church free. When she was presented with the pass by the transit authority she responded “It means everything to me. Look at how much I can save,” . Am I the only one eye rolling?

See Ya Later

The scariest part of this video isn’t the gigantic friggin alligator stomping across the golf course …. hell no…it’s the dude telling his mate to stand next to it to get perspective. Yeah Dave, go pat it!

Call of Duty

A big shout out to the two Manchester police officers who responded to a 999 call. The call was made by an elderly couple who told the dispatcher they were lonely. The two cops didn’t hesitate in driving to the 95 year olds’ house and sitting down to have a cuppa and chat with them. “We’ve got to look after people as well, it’s not just fighting crime, it’s protecting people in whatever situation they find themselves”

Meanwhile in Florida a woman rang 911 asking if it was possible for someone to buy her some chicken wings and ciggies because she was too drunk to drive.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

No, no, no, silly Florida man, when you fill out your arrest form don’t be putting friggin “drug dealer” under occupation. Hit it Billy Joel … “Honesty, is such a lonely word…….

Food For Thought

Step away from the plates

A 90 year old man and two pastors have been arrested in Florida for ….wait for it … feeding the homeless. God bless their cotton picking socks. Arnold Abbott and his mates are facing a $500 fine and up to 2 months in jail for preparing meals and distributing them in a park. He told the news reporters ‘These are the poorest of the poor, they have nothing, they don’t have a roof over their heads. How do you turn them away?’ The new law  was introduced last week.

Psst Hmm, ironic isn’t it, if the homeless committed crimes they would get three meals a day, a nice warm bed and TV.

Orange Is The New Road Kill Color

Quick loons start making bright neon orange flags, you could make a fortune. A Florida city has placed a bucket of orange neon flags near a busy intersection in Fort Lauderdale with instructions on how to wave it around while using the crosswalk to avoid getting cleaned up. Yep, seems painting the crosswalk bright purple wasn’t enough for motorists so now they are turning to the pedestrians to make themselves more visible. The city is hoping to expand the orange flag idea to other dangerous intersections around Florida to avoid more pedestrian road kill.

This Is An Emergency

Hello, is this 911? Yeah, well my wife threw out my beer. Despite the Florida man being warned about the consequences of misusing the emergency number that didn’t stop him ringing 7 times. On the finally call the man was frantic because a woman outside had opened two of the beers. Sheez, in some parts that IS considered an emergency!

Not What You Want

Three children got quite the shock when improper wiring of a pump  lead to them getting zapped in a swimming pool in Florida. That will surely give them a fear of water.

Teacher in Da Hood

You know you suck at being a teacher when you order a hit on a seventh grader. The female teacher gathered a pose of 6 kids from 8th grade to attack the boy after he made a comment she didn’t like. The gang picked him up by the neck and forcibily made him apologise to her. Needless to say she’s got the flick and the parents are thinking about a civil suit.

Psst Florida.

Second Sex Offender Village to Open

Guess what? The sex offender village in Florida is expanding. Seems the first “sex offender” trailer park was such a success the owners are planning to open another one. Unfortunately, the good folk of Apopka aren’t all that keen  with one local saying he has “let them know that my firearm will reach from my property to theirs.” Hmm, there goes all the babysitting jobs.

Want sauce with that?