So Is This Pubic Art?

What do you do when a 10ft statue in your town keeps having it’s appendage stolen ? Hmm, build a removable one, that’s what. Yep, the statue of Hercules in Parc Mauresque will now have a detachable penis. Problem solved. The penis will only be used during ceremonies and special occasions. Take that vandals!!!!

Scaredy Cat

When a French cat decided to have a little kip, he had no idea he was going sky high. Holy crap, get me down!!!

Monopoly Just Got A Lot More Popular

Somewhere in France there is a Monopoly board game for sale containing $23,268 worth of Euro notes. Yep, to celebrate he 80th anniversary of the game, the company has , in ONLY one of the 30,000 Monopoly boxes, replaced all the fake money with real money . Hmm, what could possibly go wrong?

 

Chocolate Loving Monkey Zapped

French police were forced to taser a chocolate obsessed monkey that had been harassing residents from the Castellanne area for weeks. Living on a diet of Kinder chocolate fed to him by school kids, the hyperactive monkey had been avoiding capture until zap…. Authorities believe the monkey was a pet that had been abandoned.

Can You Hear The Fart, France?

An English plumber built a 4.8m fart machine so he could send the fart noise across the Channel to France. Still no cure for cancer.

Da Da Da DA

A French guy has discovered the best deterrent for getting rid of the drug dealers hanging outside his apartment. Classical music. Yes, every night he plays Mozart and Beethoven out his window. It works everytime. In Australia they play it in shopping centres to stop kids loitering.

Turn The Other Cheek

Ooh la la. A French thief who planted a kiss on the cheek of his victim has been caught thanks to his slobber. Yep, DNA is a bitch. Pierre and his sidekick followed an employee of a jewelry store home, tied her up, gagged her and poured petrol over her head until she revealed the codes to the stores alarm system and safes. One of the dudes then went and robbed the store while the other one watched over the terrified woman. When the job was completed Pierre untied the woman and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  Poor Pierre. His DNA was registered on the national genetic database.

Crime Does Not Pay

A former French crime reporter has been , you guessed it, caught robbing a department store,  He even did the whole fake wig  and mustache thingy but the police were already on to him as he had robbed the place before.

La Sweaty Crotch

Ewh, can someone smell a sweaty pear?

Hey guys, any of you suffering from a skinky, sweaty crotch? Worry begone. A French company has designed underwear for men that releases a sweet scent as soon as you begin to sweat in the nether regions. Called “The Indomitable” the undies retail for around $50 and release a musk and pear scent for at least 30 washes. The scent only activates when your crotch gets sweaty.

Psst  OK, as I can pretty much guess  you Loons all secretly want to buy a pair or two,I have included their website…. I promise I won’t tell anyone. Le Slip Francais.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Sneeze

Cover your la mouths people, there is a deadly outbreak of a  SARS-like virus in France and it’s contagious as all hell. The nasty virus has killed over 18 people so far (mostly in Saudi Arabia) but is expected to spread like wildfire. The latest victim contracted nCoV-EMC after sharing a hospital ward with man who contracted it after visiting Dubai.