Tag Archives: frostbite

Sex With Snowman Ends in Frostbite

Man gets frostbite on penis after having sex with snowmanOne of the main reasons you don’t have sex with a snowman when you’re drunk is that you could get frostbite on your dick. Hey Duncan, are you OK? The 64 year old man was admitted to the hospital screaming in pain after screwing the 5ft snowman.  Residents in Blackburn are fuming that “He left a pile of empty bottles, a wrecked snowman and a trail of frozen man-juice in the middle of the community recreation ground.”

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Sore Loser, That's Gotta Hurt

Siberian Cycle Fail

News flash to German cyclist who suffered severe frostbite after attempting to ride through Siberia, yes it is that friggin cold! Sven Riedel decided to cycle some 300km (187 miles) from Ulan-Ude to Lake Baikal despite the temps being -35 degrees Celsius. After riding about 100km, he pitched a tent for the night but was overcome by the friggin cold. If it wasn’t for a local driver who spied the dumbass and persuaded him to get in his car, Sven would have been a human ice block. He later told journos “I didn’t think it would be so cold.” Hmm, have you never watched Hogan’s Heroes? Doctors were worried they would have to amputate a few of his fingers but all’s good, oh,  except for the frostbite on both hands and feet.

Psst I hope he warmed the bicycle seat before getting on…I’m just saying!

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

The Kitty and the Peas

Can someone get me a snuggie blanket please?

The difference between me and the kitten who spent 4 weeks in a UK warehouse in friggin sub zero temperatures eating frozen peas and licking frost  is,  I wouldn’t have survived. I hate friggin peas and will pick them out of any dish I find them in! Anywho, despite the little black and white kitty, now nicknamed Frosty, losing both ears and his tail from frostbite, he’s alive and being spoiled rotten at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Woodside Animal Centre in Leicester.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!