Tag Archives: heroin

Looking Like A Fool, With Your Pants On The Ground

Police suspicious of enormous bulge in man's groinOK loons, this is what I don’t understand, how can you carry $61,000 of heroin in your undies, without them dragging along the ground? Seriously, drug smugglers must have some awesome super strength secrets in their lingerie. Anywho , one Colombian dude wasn’t snug enough to outsmart New York customs. See ya.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass

That’s Using Your Belly Button

laughing manOK, I don’t know how fat this guy was, but he was caught with 40 bags of heroin stuffed in his belly button! That’s  drug trafficking charges right there.

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Filed under Well I Never

Too Easy

police speedingOne more time people, if you are attempting to transport $2.7 million worth of heroin in your car, follow the damn road rules, because those routine searches following a traffic violation can be a bitch… just saying.

Psst Texas

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Whoops!

Latin American Idol Winner Fail

The winner of  2009 “Latin American Idol” , Martha Heredia, has been busted for attempting to smuggle 2.9lbs of heroin into New York in the heels of her platform shoes. Hmm, makes for a good country song.

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Filed under Sore Loser, Whoops!

Show And Hell

A five year old decided to take his stepfather’s jacket to kindergarten for show and tell so he could reveal to his class how his stepdaddy conseals his 10 plastic bags of heroin. Ta-da. It kinda went a bit pear shaped, when the teachers freaked out and stepdaddy appeared at school frantically looking for his stash. Now the little snowflake is in the company of the Department of Children and Families and stepdaddy is waiting for someone to bail him out of jail.

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Filed under Whoops!

Kim Jong Il Has A New Strategy

Go on, stop me!

Well it seems Kim Jong Il and his band of merry men have come up with an alternative to growing more crops to feed the starving millions. Sheez, why waste such good soil on food when you can grow poppies….in other words heroin.  Yes, recent satellite images reveal an expansion of opium poppy fields around prison camps. Nice move Kimmy, get the prisoners to do your dirty work. North Korean cronies say they “do not allow food production by prisoners because they would steal it. They would rather grow drugs.” And anywho Kimmy made a killing in the 90’s producing heroin and getting his diplomats to flog it overseas. Now he is looking at joining forces with the Japanese Yakuza and the Russian Mafia to make his country some quick bucks.

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Filed under Friggin Kim Jong Il, Well I Never

Hard Act To Swallow

It's either one hell of a party or ......

Oh for crying out lady, how desperate are you to swallow friggin 41 balloons of heroin? The 37 year old was rushed to a Sydney hospital and straight into  surgery after some of the bags ruptured . She had recently returned to Australia from a holiday in Vietnam. Hmm, might try laxatives next time!

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Daddy Dearest

Regrets, he had a few!

OK, here’s the thing Donald Curtis Denney, plotting to smuggle a chunk of black tar heroin to your son in prison was never going to work, especially after the two of you discussed it over friggin monitored telephones for two months. OK Loons, you may upchuck a little after you hear what the two schemed, so be warned. Denney was going to shove the golf sized black tar heroin up his butt and then he was going to pass it to his son (the hard hat bandit) via a mouth to mouth kiss during a visit (nasty). Fortunately he was arrested at the Colorado prison before the tonguey.

Psst Damn! I would have made him exchange the heroin before  arresting him.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

They Will Never Look There!

Hey kiddies, stop playing with daddy's stuff!

So if you were a big bad drug and weapons dealer in Brownsville, working with drug cartels in Mexico, where oh where would you hide your stash? Well it seems Play-Doh cups are good a place as any for cocaine and heroin. Who Knew?

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

And The Lesson Today

Dear parents, if your child happens to be behaving rather oddly of late we fear he/she may have tried a small bag of white powder handed out by a third grader. Sorry for any inconvenience. An 8 year old at Turner Elementary School in Pittsburgh has had around 60 small bags, of what is feared to be heroin, confiscated by police after he was allegedly caught handing them out to students. The substance is currently being tested. Letters have been sent to parents explaining the situation. Hmm, good luck with that!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never