You Can Run But You Can’t Hide

A California woman who killed a man in a hit and run tried to dodge arrest by a) wearing coloured contact lenses b) dying her hair pink c) getting a temporary dragon face tattoo or d) all of the mentioned. If you picked d)  take a bow. Naw bless, she didn’t count on an anonymous tip to her whereabouts. Hmm, she might want to do some defriending, just saying.

PSST I hope the tattoo comes off easily.

That’s One Way To Stop Crime

Don’t mess with Texas Walmart employees, they’ll run you down with their car if they suspect you of shoplifting,  just ask Dominique Mason, a high school senior. Mason was contemplating nicking a few DVDs and video games when he had a change of heart and left the store. Unbeknownst to him he was being watched by a savvy employee who didn’t notice that Mason had returned the items. As Mason walked down the street a car came up behind him and kaboom, he rolled onto the hood and thudded to the ground. Next thing he knows is he’s face to face with the “takes his job way too seriously” Walmart employee who told him he was to never to return to the store again.  And that my friends is how they do it in Texas.

Want sauce with that?

So I Did Hit Something!

You know you are really drunk when you hit a pedestrian walking along a highway and he lands in your passenger seat next to you and you don’t realize. James John Onak was pulled over by police in Houston, not far from the scene with a shattered windshield and the body of his victim inside the car. He told police he thought he had struck something but wasn’t sure what. The dead man was wearing a Subway uniform and was believed walking to a gas station after having car trouble.

Want sauce with that?

 

Leg Found On Roof

OMG, stop looking people,  the missing leg of a man killed in a hit-and-run in Arizona has been found on a roof of Uncle Bob’s Storage building 50 m from the crash site. The unnamed victim and another pedestrian were hit in Mesa, in the early hours of Sunday morning by Jose DeJesus Padilla-Rodriguez who allegedly failed to stop and offer assistance.

Dead Body On Roof

OK, here’s the thing minivan driver in Kansas, when you hit a man with your vehicle it’s courtesy to stop, NOT continue driving with the dead man on your roof. I’m just saying!  It is alleged Mohamed Sarrafizadeh hit the lawn mowing contractor as he was using a weed wacker along a street. The impact sent the victim flying onto the windshield and then up onto roof which had a luggage rack on top. Horrified motorists contacted police when they saw the body.  Sarrafizadeh was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

Psst It’s now been confirmed the man driving the van was a doctor!

Royal Hit and Run

Yeah, sorry mom I fucked up!

Oh for goodness sakes Prince Andrew it isn’t like you have a real job or anything….you should stop when you friggin hit someone with your 4×4 . Oooh, I bet the Queen  reached for an icepack after her favorite son allegedly hit a uniformed policeman with his SUV and didn’t even bother stopping. The cop in question intervened when he saw the Prince racing towards the gates of Buckingham Palace at full pelt at the same time two Japanese tourists were walking past (oblivious to the impending danger). He suffered and arm injury over his heroics, despite the prince not even so much as braking as he continued on his merry way. I guess the Royal PR people will be working overtime tonight. Get out the royal rug, we are in for some sweeping!

RIP Casper The Commuting Cat

Look away Cat Lady and cat lovers, I have some unhappy news regarding Casper the bus commuting cat from Plymouth. Oh dear, seems he has become road kill. Yes poor Casper, who gained fame by regularly commuting on the #3 service around Devon by himself, has been killed by a hit and run driver. The feline gained worldwide attention after it was discovered he would patiently line up with the other passengers before boarding the bus and then curl up asleep every day.

I Didn’t See No Rabbit

Unless it was friggin Harvey, it’s hard to believe Edward Cespedes-Rodriguez didn’t see a 6ft tall pedicab driver in a bright orange bunny suit riding down the road. Kate Altermatt was sent flying when Cespedes-Rodriguez’s mercedes smashed into her Pedicab last Easter. When she approached him, she alleges he smelled of alcohol. After offering her a bribe not to tell, he intentionally ran her over again as he sped off. Cespedes-Rodriguez claims he didn’t see the big bright bunny because he was trying to find his cell phone! Hmm, isn’t that like dangerous driving right there? Anywho the court case continues!

Mobility Scooter Hoon

Get out of the way I am coming through!

If you’re an elderly man from the Isle of Wight, in your 70’s, with white hair and own a scooter with a 90 year old woman’s DNA on it,  police want a little word. Hmm, it’s alleged a little old lady was barreled over by a man on a mobility scooter in a hit and run incident. The victim, who had been walking along the pavement, is still in hospital with serious (but not life threatening) injuries. A witness said the man commented ‘It looks like she’s OK,’ before taking off. Geez, that’s not nice Mr!

SAD UPDATE : Lillian Macey, the woman involved in the scooter hit and run has died.