Hitler Was No Ladies Man

Oh dear lord, a group of historians believe they have uncovered another reason why Hitler became such an abomination. Seems he had a micro penis along with an undescended testicle. Which would explain why all the hyped up rumours that a flying piece of hot shrapnel sliced his testicles during the Battle of the Somme in the WWI. The condition , known as penile Hypospadius, meant he most likely peed from a small hole at the base of his penis. Hitler was known to have an aversion to being seen naked and fortunately never produced any offsprings.

Worst Job In The Reich

Well the winner would have to be Hitler’s food tasters. Take a bow Margot Woelk (now 95). Ms Woelk was one of a dozen women forced to eat the Fuhrers food to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. She and the rest of the woman would eat the feast then be observer for an hour later , before Hitler was served. She eventually escaped but believes the other tasters were shot by the advancing Russians. I don’t what whether it was better to chew or swallow!!!

Holy Indian Misinterpretation Batman

Rajesh Shah, a men’s clothing shop owner in India, has upset the local Jewish population by naming his store “Hitler”. Shah named it after his business partner’s grandfather who was nicknamed Hitler. Shah swears the only thing he knew about the Nazi dictator was he was strict.  Hmm, me thinks he fibs as he has used the Indian swastika for the dot above the i.

Hitler’s Bedsheet Anyone?

Not the sheets!!!

Hey Loons, get your pocket money out, Hitler’s bed sheets are up for auction. Oooh, imagine rolling around in that Nazi linen? A single white bedsheet and pillowcase embroidered with swastikas and Adolph’s initials could be yours for around  £3000. Seems Hitler’s trusty housekeeper Anni Winter removed a lot of Hitler’s personal items after he and Eva commited soup pudding in the bunker and the items are  now resurfacing around auction houses in Europe. Hmm, I have my doubts Adolph ever slept in a single bed, unless of course Eva kicked him out for snoring. Anywho, anyone who doesn’t fear bad karma can bid next week in Bristol.

Hitler Reacts to Kim Kardashian Divorce

Oh dear, Hitler has heard about the  Kim Kardashian tragedy, that was her marriage….

Hitler Lived In Argentina After The War

A new book about to be released is claiming Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun didn’t commit suicide in a German bunker in 1945 like they would have us believe. Nope, instead they were smuggled out of Germany by the US in exchange for Nazi war technology. Even Stalin, Eisenhower and Hoover (FBI) all knew there was no proof Hitler killed himself in the bunker,”  Ah yes, but what about Hitler’s skull fragments ? They are believed to be those of a woman. Hitler and Eva lived out their years in Argentina with Adolph dying in 1962. Hmm, this rumor has been circulating for years however the two authors are claiming they have overwhelming proof  he died an old man in South America thanks in part to newly declassified documents and forensic tests.

Hitler’s Reading Glasses Anyone?

Good lord, when will this Hitler memorabilia stop. The latest must have Nazi collectable is Hitler’s reading glasses. Yes, the dictator was as blind as a bat. Seems he was embarrassed by the whole  ‘Ican’t see a friggin thing’ and refused to be photographed wearing them. From 1933 onwards all his speeches were typed in extra large print with huge line spaces. Vanity is such a bitch! The glasses could be all yours for £5,000 or if they aren’t your cup of tea, there are numerous other assorted Hitler goodies up for grabs at the Hermann Historica Munich auction house in Germany.

Psst Oh and by the way if you are a Neo-Nazi don’t bother bidding, you’ve been banned!

Nazi Dictator was a Lead Foot

OMG, guess who got caught speeding in their suped up Merc in 1931? Adolph Hitler that’s who. Pity the fool who pulled that friggin dictator over. As expected the Nazi leader tried to wiggle his way out of paying by claiming it was his lookalike chauffeur Julius Schreck driving. According to records unearthed in a Bavarian archive,  Hitler was going 34.3mph (55.3kmh) which was double the allowed speed limit. He should have been banned from driving for that irresponsible behavior on the roads. The speeding ticket was stamped with the word “settled” on it but experts are doubtful Hitler coughed up the fine. The date of the ticket was marked as the day after Hitler’s half niece, Geli Raubal, shot herself in the head with his pistol which have many to speculate that he may have been racing back to Munich for damage control. As for officer Probst who sent the summons to Hitler, nothing was ever heard of him again.

Want To Sip From A Poison Chalice?

Egads, guess what’s coming up for auction? A set of swastika etched wine glasses once owned by Adolph Hitler. It’s true, they even have his initials etched on them. It is believed the goblets were taken from Hitler’s bunker before it was destroyed. There are only 4 of them so don’t plan a big party.

Psst Ewh, to think  that Hitler may have had his lips pursed around the rims of these !

Hitler Rants About Osama’s Demise

Pot calling the kettle …..