Tag Archives: Illinois

Somebody’s Son

It wasn’t hard for Illinois police to identify a photo booth thief after the machine took his snap while he was stealing the cash drawer. Yep, it is designed to automatically take photos when anyone attempts to jimmy the cash drawer. Well , at least he will have a memento of his crime.

5 Comments

Filed under Whoops!

Might Need More Public Toilets

poopOh for crying out loud Hampton, Illinois , over the past 2 years there has been an increased amount of poop on the bike paths and in car parks. Oh and they don’t belong to dogs or bears. Seems people are dropping their draws and letting rip on the paths  before wiping their butts with toilet paper and leaving it on top. The problem has become so bad the council have now erected signs.

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Gross

19 Hole Golf Course in Illinois

This is not the hole in one you want on a golf course. Some poor golfer ended up falling down a 5.5m  sinkhole while playing in Illinois. It took 20 minutes to pull him out.

8 Comments

Filed under Whoops!

Soup Foils Robbery

Who needs a gun to foil a robbery when you have a pot of soup. All hail the Subway worker in Illinois who threw a pot of soup over an armed robber (who was wearing a ghost mask). The dude exited stage left after the dunking without getting so much as a dime. I better it was CHICKEN soup!!!

Psst He could have whacked him with a foot long!!!

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Sore Loser, Well I Never

There Will Be Nun Of That!

I found another one on the doorstep

Of all the strip joints in all the towns, in all the world you had to move next to the Missionary Sisters of Saint Charles Borromeo – Scalabrinians. The Illinois nuns at Stone Park are furious that the council have approved plans for a strip club
to be built right next door to them. The Chicago convent not only  houses those seeking to enter the order but also looks after sick and elderly nuns. The club, called “Get It”, will obvious test their faith as bed time will probably have to shift to the wee hours of the morning.

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Roadkill Bill Passed

OMG ewh, Illinois has just passed a “roadkill bill” which now allows people to pick, shovel, scrape dead animals off the road to either eat or skin. Yep, that’s right . The bill was pushed through by Republican Rep. Norine Hammond who thought it was a waste for roadkill to rot on the roadsides. One Democrat scoffed at the idea saying….. what to do if a critter wasn’t quite dead? Am I required to perform mouth-to-mouth on that dead skunk? Evidently the pelts of some animals are fetching handsome profits, so skin away good people of Illinois.

Psst Authorities warn, eat roadkill at your own peril.

Want sauce with that?

11 Comments

Filed under Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Nuns on the Run

Holy crap, two robbers dressed as nuns have successfully held up a bank in Illinois.  The armed robbers were wearing nun masks and habits.Hmm, someone’s been watching the movie “The Town”!

5 Comments

Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Honey, What’s That In The Bath?

OMG, chicks dig me !

Oh for crying out loud Dewayne Yarbrough do you really want to attract women who “dig” your 4ft alligator? Dewayne from Illinois had kept the pet reptile in his house for over 5 years, only feeding it once a month to keep its size down, when the cops came a knocking. He later told them “chicks dig it”. Hmm, obviously not all of them because someone dobbed you into police.

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

More Like A Sprinting Track

Boo!

Woohoo Illinois, thanks for the $1.2 million dollar cycle – pedestrian path you are planning to build right through a rattlesnake habitat. Bless. The city of Wheeling plan to begin construction in 2012 but have a slight prob, it’s the nesting grounds of the endangered and yet dangerous eastern massasauga rattlesnakes. Brilliant, you’ll have to peddle faster!

10 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Big Bang Theory

If you happen to be a Virgo, step away from the car and catch a friggin bus. Seems Allstate, an insurance company in Illinois, has done some star sign research (via the revised astrological calendar) and discovered 211,650 Virgos were involved in car accidents last year. Sheez! That is like a shit load more than the safest drivers, the Scorpios, who only pranged 26,833 times .Hmm, seems the signs linked to “compassion,” “graciousness” and “resourcefulness” were the least likely to get into accidents while the other ones eg “uncompromising,” “arrogant” and “impatient” bastards, are just an accident waiting to happen.
Wanna know where you stand on the big bang theory? From safest to scariest…

Scorpio (probably Volvo drivers)
Ophiuchus (that new friggin sign with a shit name)
Cancer
Aquarius
Libra
Aries
Capricorn
Gemini
Sagittarius
Pisces
Taurus
Leo
and Virgo (road rage much?)

6 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!