Student Impaled On Bike Seat

Look away bike riders this might make you wince. A Chinese student, who was merrily riding along to school, accidentally fell … but here’s where it all went terribly wrong…. when he fell the seat bent back and a steel rod under the seat went straight up his butt. Onlookers were horrified as the rod was unable to be dislodged. Enter firefighters who had to use the jaws of life to cut away the main part of the bicycle from his rear end so he could fit in the ambulance. Doctors were eventually able to remove the seat from his rectum but said “It damn near killed him!”

What Are The Odds?

You know what would really hurt? Having a toilet paper holder impaled in your neck. Just ask the 69 year old woman from Dallas who had a history of knee trouble before she slipped and fell right onto one. Rescuers later removed the holder and the paper which was still attached to it  from her neck before carting her to hospital for stitches.

Hanging Face!

You know what I hate? When a surfboard impales your face… I really friggin hate that! Empathy alert for Tom Palastanga who duck dived straight into the nose of another surfer’s board who was riding a wave in New Zealand. As his face hit a piece broke off and embedded into his cheek. Ewh, nasty. The chunk went through his cheek, sinus and nasal cavity before piercing the pharynx at the back of his throat. Dude?

Mika’s Sister Impaled On Fence

Ewh, ouch. Paloma Penniman,the sister of well known singer Mika, is recovering in a London hospital after she fell from a three storey window ledge and impaled her legs and abdomen on a spiked fence railing. The singer was there at the time of the incident (5am) and called an ambulance. It is believed it took over an hour to remove part of the fence to free her but the spikes were still in her legs when taken to hospital. Despite being in a critical condition doctors are confident she will make a full but slow recovery.It still hasn’t been determined how she fell from the window ledge.

Up The Creek Without A Paddle

You know what I hate? When you are in your truck minding your own business and you get impaled by a flying canoe. I really friggin hate that.The New Zealand man was following another vehicle, which was carrying a number of canoes, when one came loose. You can pretty much guess the rest, it flew through the air, hit the windscreen and impaled him to his seat.Ouch.

That’s Using Your Head

Ewh, the drummer from a rock band called Alaska Alaska got a tad drunk on the weekend and ended up falling from a third floor balcony in New York and impaling his head on a spiked metal fence. Ouch. Nicholas Bloom survived the ordeal and was cut from the railing by rescuers. He still had a piece of the railing attached to his head when  he arrived at hospital. After a little surgery the drummer was laughing and joking with his family, much to the amazement of the docs.

What a Knob!

Which way should we turn it?

Oh, for the love of god, how? A 24 year old woman from Wiltshire, England, impaled her boob on a door handle and she had to be cut free by firefighters. Awkward! The men used hand saws to cut her off the door but the handle still remained inside her body when she was rushed to hospital. Ewh ouch! So far no one knows how the accident happened.

Mosh Pit To Hell

OMG, a quadriplegic man has been impaled after his electric wheelchair was catapulted into a mosh pit at a ACDC concert in Queensland.Witnesses say one of his friends accidentally knocked the joystick of his motorized wheelchair sending him crashing more than a metre down into the pit. As he crash landed a metal stick he used to pick up things embedded in his eye. No, there was no front barrier between the wheelchair podium and the mosh pit.

Kung Fu Fail

Don't mess with me!

Ewh, ouch. A wannabe drunk ninja man accidentally impaled himself through the butt on a metal spike after failing to jump a 5ft fence. The man is believed to have got into an altercation with another ninja man before he attempted his daring jump. While doctors attended his butt wound he told  police he believed he was a ninja. Metal spike 1, ex-ninja 0.

Motorcycle vs Motor Home

But way worse...

OK, here’s the thing, if you are really pissed off  being stuck behind a slow moving recreational vehicle, just count to ten and think good thoughts! Oh dear, a motorcyclist has been impaled on a motor home after a road rage incident. Yes, I said impaled. Seems from eyewitness accounts the motor home driver was travelling around 55mph along the California highway when the biker became annoyed and made a few  obscene hand gestures before passing the vehicle and  slamming on the brakes in front of it. OK, not the smartest option! Unfortunately the motor home driver, Michael Antoine, had no time to stop and plowed straight  through him. Needless to say the biker died at the scene. Let this be a lesson people!