Lesson 1

What do you do when you are rejected for a coaching and teaching position at a school? Hmm, well if you are disappointed  Indiana man you send (allegedly) the successful applicant dead skunks and raccoons, that’s what. Unfortunately, that has got him stalking, intimidation and criminal mischief charges which wont look good on his next application.

Meth Labs Of Walmart

Meth lab, aisle 4

Oh come on people of Walmart. A store in Indiana has been decontaminated after an active meth lab was found in a backpack. Seems Walmart bathrooms have become a popular place  to crank up drug labs. Cops say it has become more common for dealers to use public places to leave the chemicals to cook, better for a store to kaboom than their own homes.

Only A Flesh Wound

Definition of awkward? The clumsy Indiana police chief who waltzed into a gun store and accidentally shot himself in the leg after it got caught in his clothing. Hmm, anyone else got an adjective to describe this calamity? Anyone?

Cats Shouldn’t Play In The House

The question isn’t, did the cat knock over a lamp in an Indiana home that resulted in the living room being burned down? Nope, the real question is, did the cat do it deliberately!!! Bad kitty.

Psst Claudius set his tail alight last week after sitting on the stove. He kept looking around wondering what the smell was.

Joy Ride Gets Ugly

Finally got to use this Deb!

Oh come on people, can’t a drunk man have a little fun with his kids? An Indiana man has been charged with neglect after he used a tow strap to tie four  kids to the hood of his car before driving them a few blocks down the road. Hello, neglect would be NOT tying them, sheez!!!! The kids aged 4, 5, 6 and 7 were unharmed. While he defended his actions by saying they enjoyed it, police were none too happy, especially after he blew a .17, which is twice Indiana’s blood alcohol limit.The mother of three of the kids was also in the car and drunk as a skunk.

Psst Big shout out to Bill for finding this great yarn.

Want sauce with that?

Last Jesus Sighting Of The Year

And the last Jesus sighting of the year goes to Karen Sigler from Indiana who believes Jesus appeared in her chest X-ray just above her heart.

or Darth Vader?

Faking Your Daughter’s Funeral…Priceless

Surprise!

Okie Dokie, police in Indiana are a tad confused as to what to charge a woman with after she staged a fake funeral for her daughter. Angela Boyd rocked up to the New Life Ministries Church of the Nazarene with an urn and a donation box after requesting a service for her dead daughter, who she claimed was raped and murdered by her her father in Iowa. As Boyd read a statement  about her daughter’s demise and the congregation wept,  her brother stood up and declared it was all friggin lies. Her 15 year old daughter was in fact alive and well. Ms Boyd fled the church leaving behind the urn, the box and some very awkward silence.

So When Can You Start?

OK, here’s the thing dumbass teens, when stealing money from a Indiana Ice Cream Parlor tip jar, make sure you don’t put your names on a friggin job application form first. I’m just saying!

Lucky Loser

You would have to be one unlucky bastard. Not only did Mark Chambers get arrested for dealing cocaine but the lottery ticket he had in his pocket maybe seized by police after it was discovered it was a winner!!! Yes, Chambers won the damn Indiana “Pick Four” lottery winning prize money of $2,260. Loser.

Liquid Manure Is Not A good Hiding Place

Like this, only in liquid form!

Stop looking people, a man on the run from police has been found hiding neck deep in a liquid manure pit on an Indiana farm. Oh dear god, the 52 man, wanted on methamphetamine charges, was spotted by a police officer as he wallowed in a tank of hog and dog feces underneath an outbuilding floor. It is believed he was soaking in the shit for over an hour in an attempt to hide from police. Bags not sitting next to him in the cop car. Oh and once he was extracted from the slosh he was stun gunned twice for becoming a little shitty. All and all not a good day.