Harrison Ford Ditches Plane

Holy Indiana Jones, Batman. Harrison Ford is lucky to be alive after he crashed his light aircraft into a golf course this morning. After stacking it on the fairway he was rushed to hospital with head injuries.

Watch Out For That ….

You know what I hate? When you’re driving your motorised bar stool without a helmet and you crash. I really friggin hate that. Some poor Kiwi guy , who uses a go-kart with a bar stool attached ,  is currently in a critical condition after leaving a local pub and then…. kaboom . Police suspect alcohol may have been involved.

My What Big Teeth You Have

It was dark…

A woman driving at night in Maine  accidentally hit a cat and  decided to take the unconscious critter to a vet. During the drive the feline woke up and that’s when she realised it wasn’t no pussy cat at all but one dazed and confused bobcat. The woman slammed on the brakes and leapt from the car in downtown Bangor and let it out. Authorities later put the bobcat out of its misery.

Injured Hiker Rescues Rescuer

You know what I hate? When you break your leg while hiking and the paramedic who comes to your rescue gets knocked on the noggin with the helicopter blade and you have to friggin rescue him. In extreme pain the hiker, who happened to be a doctor (specializing in trauma), hopped over to the injured man and controlled the bleeding until more help arrived.

 

Bobcat Lessons 101

OK, here’s the thing people, if you hit a bobcat with your car and it lies injured on the median don’t go and try to comfort it because it’s gonna friggin bite you real hard. Bobcats are nasty like that! And we all know what happens when you are bitten by a bobcat, don’t we? Yes siree, that’s extensive rabies treatment for you lady!

Horror on the M5

Egads, an horrific pile up in England on the M5 has left about 35 people injured and several people dead. It is believed 27 vehicles were involved in the crash, incuding at least two lorries. Several vehicles caught fire following the impact, as members of the public tried frantically to pry open the car doors of people trapped. Police are currently informing familes of those killed. It is believed bad weather, including rain and fog, was the likely cause of the “the worst road traffic collision anyone can remember”. Thoughts and prayers to those involved.

Gets Them Every Time

Ouch!

OK, one more time would-be bank robbers, when handing over the note to the teller you might want to add “do not include an exploding dye pack” so as not to get a shock when it goes kaboom ! Just ask the Florida man who was injured when his stash exploded in his pocket as he was fleeing the Bank of America.

Just Say No

Let this be a warning to anyone planning to smoke PCP and marijuana  then gnaw on a few magic mushrooms, you might end up naked in a 40ft sewer hole. Eugene Gimzelberg did just that and he had to be hauled out of a sewer hole naked (except for one shoe and a few major injuries from the plunge)  by the Gilbert Fire Department. Awkward!

Want sauce with that?

Health and Safety Alert

Attention the good people of England, the police would like to inform you that it’s not wise to put wire mesh on your garden shed windows because a burglar might get injured and sue your sorry ass. Many locals in Kent and Surrey have been placing wire mesh over the windows for reinforcement after a spate of burglaries in which power tools, lawnmowers and bikes have been nicked. This has prompted police to warn them that if a crim gets hurt on the wire they could sue  for compo. Hmm, so maybe the locals should put a welcome mat outside the shed and leave the door open. Oh wait, the thief might trip over the mat and get hit by the door on the way out! Friggin Nanny State!

Bungling Bakery Burglar

Oh for crying out loud son, get a job. A young Victorian man made a real mess of a bakery burglary after he climbed through a skylight into a locked storeroom and couldn’t get out. Every slap stick move was caught on surveillance camera. Oh boy, it’s painful to watch. Anywho,  he eventually handed himself into police and has now been charged.