Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego Assange?

What is 6ft tall, pale, and wears a wig, red dress and high heel shoes? Julian Assange ?
Seems the whistleleaker is sick of his little cupboard in Ecuador’s embassy in London and is planning an exit strategy. The Wikileaker has a few serious health issues and has realised the Ecuadorians don’t have the adequate equipment to keep him alive. Checkmate. No word on when he plans to leave his compound but I’m guessing if you see an awkwardly walking pale woman in a red dress zip passed you, odds are , he’s left the building.

Things for Assange to do while he sweats it out in Ecuador

Julian Assange’s bucket list for Ecuador

1. Hug some blue-footed boobies

2. Pat an Iguana at the Galápagos Islands

3. Go Inca Empire shopping

4. Have a picnic by the Andes

5. Get an odd job manufacturing textiles

6. Brush up on his Spanish

7. Get some highlights for the hair, maybe even a light perm?

8. Equator hop back and forth from Ecuador to Colombia

9.  Buy condoms

10. Rummage through some of Rafael Correa’s private memos

Quick Assange, To The Equator

So who’s a clever dick then? Wikileaker Julian Assange stepped into the Ecuadorian Embassy in London last night to seek political asylum. Um, has anyone told him Ecuador has an extradition treaty with the United States? I hear the Galapagos Islands are nice in spring. Good luck with that!

Psst Do they have internet connection?

Assange Will Be Wiki-dited To Sweden

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Sweden I go. A UK judge has given the thumbs up to extradite WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange to Sweden  to face rape and sexual assault charges. Assange, who claims he is innocent, is convinced he won’t receive a fair trial believing it to be a politically motivated move to get his sorry ass to the US to face the mother of all charges.

Anyone Seen Julian Assange Lately?

Hmm, I hope he’s OK, haven’t seen him around the news headlines of late.

Wiki Keeps Leaking

Wikileaks...and you?

And you thought Julian Assange was paranoid? A Swedish newspaper is reporting that the lead police interrogator in Assange’s rape trial is personally and politically linked to one of the victims accusers. They are even friends on Facebook! Hmm, but will that stop the case? Me thinks not!

Want sauce with that?

Assange 1, US Government 0

US investigators admit they’ve got friggin nothing on Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. They’ve huffed and they’ve puffed but they haven’t find a link between him and whistle blower Bradley Manning. Back to the drawing board boys.

Psst Hmm, maybe this is just to give him a false sense of security?

Want sauce with that?

And The Winners Of The Un-Australians Of The Year Go To

Zoo Weekly’s annual winners of the most disappointing Aussies 2011 goes to …drum roll… Julian Assange for being a dobber, followed closely behind by Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard for backstabbing Kevin Rudd and taking his “job and house”.

LoonLeaks

Psst Guess who just got out of jail?  Julian Assange…. pass it on!

Wiki Still Leaking

Hmm, I don’t know Assange, maybe bail isn’t such a good idea. Nice opportunity to get bumped off or conveniently “commit suicide” …. isn’t that right CIA agents? Despite the High Court in England granting Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange, a get out of jail free card (if you don’t include the £200,000 bail security) Swedish prosecutors are being bitches and are appealing the decision.Which means another two days behind bars and another two days Michael Moore gets to keep his $20,000 pledged dosh.

Psst I bet Assange wishes he kept his wiki in his pants!