Tag Archives: kenya

Thanks Online News Networks

Nearly 150 students in Kenya were slaughtered overnight by a terrorist group and not one online newspaper in Australia has it as their leading story.  . Disgraceful!!!!  Australia’s leading online news site news.com.au ….. nice headlines

News_com

 

daily_mail

OK, a little hooray for PerthNow who actually reported the massacre on headlines page … as story FIVE.

perth_now

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

You Have To Be Kidding

goat 4A man in Kenya who was in court to face rape charges has had the additional humilition of having to face his nanny in court. And by nanny I mean a goat. Yep, seems the guy was caught in a field having his way with the poor creature. That’s 10 years right there.

Psst Thanks to Susi Spice for this little gem.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Hair Weave Hell

Maggots in hair weaveLadies you may want to give your newly purchased hair weave a once over before purchasing it. A woman in Kenya got cracking headaches after having a human hair weave fitted. What she didn’t know was that the hair was off the head of a dead person and the pain she was suffering was coming from maggots that had burrowed into her head… maggots from the corpse. Seems the maggot eggs which were in the hair hatched from the warmth of her head and well they began burrowing.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Bet You Missed A Few Anniversaries!

 

What do you mean the weddings off?

 

Alas, poor Ancentus “Danger” Akuku has died. Akuku you ask? Well, he’s the notorious Keyan polygamist who had 100 wives. Hmm, I am guessing he finally found peace. Nicknamed “danger” for his ability to woo women, Akuku was in his 90’s when he died from high blood pressure! No kidding, 100 wives, 160 kids and 30 divorces it’s a friggin miracle he lived that long. RIP Akuku, you deserve it!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, End Credit, Well I Never, Whoops!

RIP 89 Year Old Primary School Student

Inspirational      Photo AFP

Inspirational Photo AFP

Joseph Stephen Kimani Nganga Maruge the world’s oldest primary school student has died. Mr Maruge enrolled in the Eldoret primary school in Kenya five years ago because he simply wanted to learn to read his Bible. He wore the school uniform which included shorts, sweater and long socks and was often seen with his book bag flung over his shoulder.Despite losing his home in 2008, due to Kenya’s post election violence and living in a displacement camp, Mr Maruge continued his studies.When he fell ill from cancer he cried more about not being able to attend school than about being sick. But do you know what? Mr Maruge achieved his goal of learning to read his beloved  Bible. Lesson to be learned right there!

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Filed under End Credit, Friggin Awesome

Keep It In Mind!

Please!

Please!

How much do you think Chelsea Clinton is worth? Go on, have yourself a guess! Hmm, well if Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor is anything to go by about 40 goats and 20 cows. That is what the Kenyan offered the Clinton’s to take their only daughter off their hands. Yep, in 2000 Godwin asked Bill for Chelsea’s hand in marriage. Hmm, politely the Clinton’s declined…I think, haven’t seen her lately? Fast forward nine years later and he still wants to marry her.Mrs Clinton was quick to respond during her recent trip to Africa “My daughter is her own person. I will convey this very kind offer,” That is politician speak for “no friggin way”. If Chelsea accepts she might have to squish over a bit in bed to make room for Godwin’s other wife. As for Godwin he is optimistic that the 29 year old will accept his offer. Good luck with that! Hmm, you never know it might come in handy as a negotiation chip if any American journos go missing in Africa!

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Filed under Denial, Friggin Hilarious, You Go Girl!

Friggin Elephants

Come on guys, I was only messing with them!

Come on guys, I was only messing with them!

Kimani was once a bad bull elephant. He loved nothing better than raiding the locals crops of Kenyan villagers and destroying their annual income. He thought it hilarious that they would stay up all night banging pots and pans to try and frighten him off. Even funnier was the big bonfires they built so they could light their torches.Unfortunately, The Kenya Wildlife Service who operate the Ol Pejeta conservation park, didn’t think Kimani’s antics were all that funny, they were a tad worried that they would have to shoot the naughty elephant like the last five who wouldn’t stop crop-raiding. So enter Save The Elephants group who came up with a ingenious plan to control the naughty crop raider. They put an enormous friggin collar around his neck with a mobile phone sim card attached, then set up virtual fence (mirroring the conservatory’s boundaries) using a global positioning system. Everytime Kimani got the midnight munchies the conservatory received a text message notifying them of his movements, they’d then go scare him back to the compound using a spotlight laden jeep . So far Kimani has been caught sneaking off 15 times but the last time was more than four months ago. It seems Kimani has stopped his mischievous ways, though, as an elephant, never forgets, I am sure he has got other tricks up his tusk!

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never