Tag Archives: Lancashire

Gingerbread Man Has Rights!

Oh %#@*!

The PC police have struck again and this time the poor victim is the Gingerbread Man. Yes, the beloved anatomically ambiguous cookie has suddenly been castrated. Menus at 400 primary schools in Lancashire now refer to the biscuit as  gingerbread “person”. The politically correct Lancashire Council have fortunately bowed to public pressure and have agreed to give the Gingerbread back his manhood after Christmas.Sheez, next thing you know the friggin redhead police will be harassing the poor cookie!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Councils, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Lucky For Some

You've got to be friggin kidding me!

Well I’ll be, a British bus driver from Lancashire must be the luckiest man in England, while his ex must be the damned unluckiest. After receiving confirmation of his divorce through the post Kevin Halstead had a drink with his mates and bought himself a lottery ticket in celebration. Of course we all know what happens next, he friggin won £2,302,668. Had he bought it prior to the divorce papers coming through he could have been forced to pay his ex half.Oh but before you go making fun of his ex, she said on hearing the news “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke. I wish him all the luck in the world – he deserves it.” Hmm, that’s what I would be saying too…suck, suck, suck.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Guess Who’s Been Sniffing In My Undie Drawer?

Anyone remember the mayor of Lancashire , Ian Stafford? Come on people he was the creepy dude who snuck into women’s bedrooms, rummage through their undie draw, masturbated  and then stole knickers as souvenirs. Well anywho, he’s been jailed for two years. Hmm and he was left with this parting jesture from Judge Heather Lloyd,  “To masturbate into a woman’s underwear and place it back in the drawer, repeatedly, as seen in the DVD, as you have done in other homes is bluntly revolting and the impact on your victims is high.” Awkward!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, How Embarrassing, Whoops!

Cut Costing Cannabis Grower

Geez, who calls them dope growers? Some 19 year old woman from Lancashire found a cheap way to keep her cannabis factory running. She illegally drained power from her streets’ lamp-post lighting system to keep costs to a minimum. It was only when neighbors complained about the dim street lights did authorities discover her sophisticated lighting and watering weed scheme was being powered by the street lighting system.  Hello, how else could you maintain £100,000 worth of cannabis, people?

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Middle Aged Man Develops Tourette Syndrome

A former nightclub bouncer from Lancashire suddenly developed Tourette Syndrome this year at the age of 46. The father of three now can’t prevent himself from swearing at his kids and often wakes up shouting “I’m a gay man”. He also now suffers from violent body jerks. Paul Stevenson believes it was the suicide of his best friend which triggered his condition and thinks early childhood symptoms weren’t noticed.

Here is a little peep into what it is like to suffer from Tourette Syndrome

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Guess Who’s Been Wearing My Knickers?

Dude!

Dude!

So what does the mayor of Preesall in Lancashire do for kicks? Hmm, evidently he likes to sneak into women’s houses semi naked, rummage through their undie draws, find the nicest pair possible, put them on and then perform a sex act. Well I’ll be! Geez, our mayor’s kind of lame compared to him! Ian Stafford, 58, was arrested by police after a woman, who was determined to find the culprit responsible for her missing knickers, installed a hidden camera in her bedroom. Low and behold if the dude creeping around her room was none other than the friggin mayor! Police found a collection of woman’s undies at his home matching the description of those reported missing.  Ewh and you all voted for him!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Well I Never

They Don’t Do Tandems!

Mcdonald drive thru refuses tandem bike ridersAnd pray tell why doesn’t English McDonald stores have a tandem bike drive thru window? Come on people, how on earth can they get watered and fed? Lets face it those tandems are a bitch to put in a bike rack. Tom Halsall and Mark Dixon were refused service at a Lancashire drive thru for (all together now) health and safety reasons. Now it seems Maccas aren’t covered for cars driving up the asses of tandem bike riders (who knew?) so the policy is to say no. But they were already at the friggin window, give them a fry!

Psst Do real men ride tandem?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Thanks For Nothing

Who Let The Dog Out!

I wasnt going to chase them, they had a gun!

I wasnt going to chase them, they had a gun!

Police woman Katie Johnson was responding to an armed robbery at a pub in Lancashire when she was shot in leg by one of the assailants. So she released her Alsatian dog Chaos, only to have him turn around and attack her.Yep, Ms Johnson not only had a bullet in her leg but a dog attached to her arm. Hmm, I guess it’s back to training school for that canine.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!