A kid from Philly got a nasty letter from the “The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters,” re- payment of fourth molar.
Here it is in full.
Thank you for the return of your fourth molar. Here is payment upon receipt, the agreed-upon sum of $5.00 (five American dollars).
By leaving your tooth out for one of our Tooth Adjusters, you, the toothee, have entered into a contractual obligation to perform measured work, herein known as Chores. Please see the attached addendum for an updated list of these chores.
We have been notified by your Parental units that these obligations have frequently gone uncompleted, and often have to be requested multiple times before they are, in fact, done. If these obligations are not fully completed, without demand, in the specified time frame (every day after school or camp), we will have no recourse but to repossess all of your remaining teeth, by force if necessary, with no repayment to you.
The most comfortable solution for all three parties involved (Tooth Adjusters, Toothee, and Parental Units) is for you, the toothee, to do your Chores as expected, on time, every day. Do not make us come and take your teeth.
The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters”
A kid who did an epic upchuck outside the bathroom of a bookstore in Oregon has sent the poor cleaners of the mess an apology letter and a Ben and Jerry’s gift card. The epic chuck, which was estimated as having a 12ft diameter, was cleaned up by some pretty peeved and shocked staff members. However, they did get a chuckle when the letter arrived which was addressed to the “Barf Cleaners”.
Move over cyber bullying we have a new winner. Some poor little 11 year old girl is sleeping with one eye open after she found her Raggedy Ann doll decapitated on her front porch with a note reading “Bella … Kill yourself or I will kill you” stuffed down its throat.
Psst Friggin Ohio, home of Bearman.
There could be nothing more distressing than not knowing where your murdered son was buried and there could be nothing more crueler than the killer refusing to tell. Ian Brady is one of those evil beings. In 1964 he and his female accomplice (Hindley) lured a bespectacled 12 year old boy named Keith Bennett into his car then raped and murdered him. His body lays somewhere on the Saddleworth Moors. Keith is the only victim of Myra Hindley and Ian Brady whose body has never been found. His mother, Winnie, is 80 and dying of cancer. Her only wish is to find the remains of Keith before she dies so she can bury her son. She suspects the reluctance of Brady to reveal the location is due to the fact there is probably more bodies located there. Over the years she has written to Brady begging for him to tell her where Keith is buried but to no avail.
Today, Winnie may finally be able to exhale. British police believe Brady may have finally relieved the location of Keith’s body. No, he didn’t have a dose of the guilts and contact Winnie, nor did he do a dying man’s last confession. Nope, this cold hearted bastard passed the information (in a letter) to a long term female visitor Jackie Powell (Brady’s legal advocate) with strict instructions for it to only be opened after his death. Fortunately police got wind of this letter and have arrested the 49 year woman on suspicion of “preventing the burial of a body without lawful exercise.”
Let’s just hope this is not another one of Ian Brady’s cruel , sick, twisted games and that the letter really does contain the right location so Keith can finally rest in peace.
Oh dear, when Gerard Esposito, the president of a home owner’s association, sent out letters informing the Windtree Oaks neighborhood that many households didn’t have compliant letterboxes and “appropriate action” would be taken if they didn’t install brick mailboxes, you can imagine the response. Yep, they blew up his friggin mailbox. Mr Esposito was quoted as saying he had no idea what the motive would be. Sheez, he should be grateful he didn’t send a letter about cars!
Of all the friggin stupid things mister, using a piece of paper with your name on it to write a hold up note, sheez! Bruce Manlove, you are the weakest link! Mr Manlove used the back of his Department of Correction letter to write “This is a robbery”. After handing over 17 packs of cigarettes the clerk refused to hand back the note. Hello, evidence.
Psst Dude, cigarettes?
When newly appointed British chief secretary to the Treasury David Laws rocked up to his first day at work he found a letter by outgoing chief secretary Liam Byrne on his desk. Mr Laws assumed it would contain some constructive advice but instead it simply read “There’s no money left.” Blahahahaahaa. Mr Byrne insisted “My letter was a joke, from one chief secretary to another. I do hope David Laws’ sense of humour wasn’t another casualty of the coalition deal,”