Why Can’t Max Go To The Library?

A Minnesota cat banned from going to the library….you wouldn’t read about it!!!!

Granny With A Grudge

Take that!

There is nothing worse than a granny with a grudge, especially when it involves ketchup, mayo, corn syrup and a book library drop box. For over a year the Ada County Community Library have been trying to catch the fiend who had been pouring an assortment of condiments into the drive up book drop off box and ruining books. Well, mystery is finally over. Joy Cassidy (75) was caught after a Boise police stakeout and sentenced to a month in jail. Seems her motive was revenge for how some senior cits had been treated by patrons and staff over the years.

I’m Guessing You’re Not An English Major

I’m just curious, what do you call a North Carolina State University student who goes into the library, strips naked and then knocks more than 1,000 books off the shelves? Hmm, Seth Pace, a freshman with an undeclared major.

Oh and lookie, he’s now a Youtube hit….

Wanker

Ewh, you know what I hate? When you go to a school library and some fool exposes himself and then ejaculates on your arm . I really friggin hate that! Oritse Ayu from Maryland was arrested after being identified from the Montgomery College surveillance footage. It is alleged Ayu ejaculated on the woman as she was reading then when she turned around he flashed his penis at her. Lucky there is plenty of DNA evidence.

Manga Meltdown

Sheez, a teenage boy who read a Japanese Manga novel is now at home receiving “extensive therapy”, so says his mom who is pissed with the Crestview Public library for allowing such graphic work. Margaret Barbaree says her son “lost his mind” after removing the book unsupervised from the general library stack, putting  it in his backpack and taking it home (isn’t that theft?).She now wants all Manga removed from the library which she deems pornographic.

The Perfect Blend Cow

Yep, the friggin CowParade saga continues with….drum roll please…The Perfect Blend, a cow covered in  wine labels from every winery in the Margaret River region. This cow I had to search  high and low  for as it wasn’t in friggin Reuther Park where it is was suppose to be and no one had a clue where it was. Eventually I discovered it had been placed in the library because some tourists were not being so nice to it. Personally, I think it was winos trying to lick the labels but I digress. So the only thing I had to do was find the friggin library, which was not the easiest of feats, considering nearly the entire population of Margaret River are made of surfer dudes who didn’t have a clue what or where a library was (kidding, some did, gosh!). Of course it would have to be hidden in the back blocks and of course it had to be friggin closed.

Valerie Vallee and Eddie Donato – Margaret River is synonymous with fine wine. Each winery is unique, with its own story to tell and incredible wines to taste, but it’s hard to enjoy them all…so we decided to create the perfect blend.

Scratch and sniff!!!

But wait there is more. On my intrepid journey to find the friggin Margaret River library I discovered this cow in the “Love the Beast” store. I flipped through my official Cowparade booklet over and over again and WTF, it wasn’t there. An impostor loons, a friggin impostor!!!!!

Where the hell did you come from?

Japanese Jackass

OMG, a Japanese game show set in a library. How bad could it be? Nasty in silence.

A Very Slow Reader

We've got friggin 10 revised additions since then!

Here’s the thing, anonymous person who has kept overdue books for 50 years, your excuse is lame. The Camelback High School in Phoenix received two overdue books from a former student who had checked them out in 1959 but never bothered to return them. Along with the books was a $1,000 money order for all the friggin fines. OK, wait for it, here’s the excuse, the kid’s family moved to another state and the books were packed. Hmm, like 50 years later you decide to unpack them?

Psst Geez, you’d have thought they would have named the friggin books.That is going to annoy me now!