Tag Archives: malaria

Rumor Mill Round Up

Yes, it’s that time of the week again, the good, the bad and the ugly. Britain’s Got malaria, OK no, just Cheryl Cole (should have used insect repellent darl), Dannii Minogue (the unfortunate sister) popped out a baby boy after 11 hour homebirth failure, no one wants to do lunch with Mel no more, while 10,000 inmates want to do more than lunch with Lindsay. Megan Fox is off the market while Charlie Sheen is still plea bargaining and Melissa Etheridge is trying desperately to discredit Tammy Lynn’s poor use of the English language (hmm, there are only so many ways to say “I hate you” in poetry).LeBron James has upset even god, Justin Beiber is linked to porn  and to end the week Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer has quit.

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !

The House Of Malaria

Last night I went to a friend’s house and their little girl was so excited to show me the tadpoles she had caught that day. So I went into their laundry and looked down into her little aquarium, only to see these things staring back at me.

Boo!

They ain’t no tadpoles little girl, they are friggin mosquito larvae. Everybody scream.

Psst They should have reached the Indian Ocean by now!

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King Tut Not All That

Wishful thinking!

Well any romantic ideas I ever had about Tutankhamen have pretty much been ruined after Egyptian antiquities expert Dr Zahi Hawass revealed the real truth. King Tut had a club foot, a cleft palate and walked with a hobble, all thanks to incest . Yes, DNA testing has confirmed, his parents were actually brother and sister. But it was the long line of inbreeding which is believed to have lead to Tut’s bone disease (Marfan Syndrome). Hello, they had to keep their sacred bloodline going. Experts now think King Tut most probably died from malaria after breaking his leg. The hole in the back of his skull was merely caused by the mummification process and not by some murderous plot.

Psst Does that make them redneck Egyptians?

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What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

I cant feel my wings!

I cant feel my wings!

Hmm, scientists think they have come up with the perfect solution to rid the world of malaria spreading mosquitoes. Standby..they are going to nuke them! Yep, zap them little suckers with radiation to make them as sterile as Michael Jackson’s face mask. The procedure known as SIT (Sterile Insect Technique) is basically a birth control for insects. Here’s the thing, they are going to round up all the male mosquitoes, zap their little wieners and set them loose amongst the unsuspecting virgin female insects (who will never know they are shooting blanks!). She’ll lay eggs that will never hatch, they will argue over whose fault it was and then both will die failures! Perfect. Then us humans can live happily ever after with swine flu, AIDS, Typhoid and two friggin new species of bacteria!

Oh come on people I jest. Here’s how SIT really works, the scientists breed a shit load of mosquito pupae, they place them in a machine and expose them to radiation, which in turn makes them sexually sterile, they release them into the wild where hopefully they will find a female mozzie to breed with and she will lay eggs that are unfertilized.Hmm. Say, if I get bitten by a friggin radiated mozzie…???

Psst Will a radiated mozzie be attractive enough to find a woman? There has got to be some side affects like, loss of leg hair,  a shriveled proboscis, nausea (can’t keep the blood down) and not to mention erectile dysfunction! Geez, being a male mozzie is gonna suck (not!).

Psst Again You can read a more scientific explanation on BBC News.

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