Tag Archives: marriage

Charles Manson …Always a Bridesmaid

Charles Manson caught with another cell phone

Call me…

Good news ladies, Charles Manson is back on the market. Yep, he has dumped his lady love and cancelled the wedding after he discovered the evil, dastardly, fiend was planning to put his body on display after he croaked it. The 27 year old was evidently plotting with some mates to come up with a get rich scheme. Sheez, lucky for them Manson is behind bars, me thinks. Anywho, Manson claims he was never intending to marry the woman but was simply using her to get toiletries and goodies. Ouch. So ladies, anyone want an 80 year old serial killer, with a steady income and no chance of parole?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Fergie’s Back

Princess Beatrice to marryThe Queen, god bless her, has finally forgiven Fergie. Yes, I know, crazeee. Anywho, it seems Princess Beatrice has a ring on it and unless the Royal family wants uber awkwardness at the next Royal wedding they have to make nice with the mother of the bride. So to cut a long story short, the toe sucking outcast has been invited to join the main peeps at Balmoral (the main building) instead of staying alone in a cottage on the estate. Sheez, how thick her hide to even show up at Balmoral year after year only to be ushered to a hut while the Royals make merry in the main pad. Here’s to some very awkward silences.  Oooh and I can’t wait to see what Fergie and her offspring wear to the wedding.

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

A $65 Million Loveless Marriage Anyone?

OK men loons, line up, line up, we have a challenge. A Hong Kong tycoon is offering $65 million for any MAN who can win the heart of his lesbian daughter. One of the biggest probs will be prying her out of the arms of her same sex partner who she recently married in France. AND no, Gigi is quite the looker. Seems daddy is horrified at his daughter’s personal choices and is hoping that there is a man out there girl enough to win her heart. Good luck with that!

Psst I’m guessing Chaz Bono  is out of the question?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Sore Loser, You Go Girl!

It’s Over, Pack Up Your Shell and Get The Hell Out …. NOW!!!!

She just doesn’t get me!

After 115 years together Bibi and Poldi are calling it quits. In fact they can’t stand the sight of each other and are now sharing separate beds. Zookeepers at an Austrian zoo don’t know what the hell happened between the two giant tortoises  but the romance is definitely over. Female Bibi has gone on a full offensive chomping off Poldi’s shell and launching surprise attacks forcing him to retreat into a neutral corner.

Hmm, I can tell you what happened, she got sick and tired of picking up after him and  having to continually put up with his same old slow, boring sex.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Obama Talks Marriage Without TOTUS

Oh my, it seems TOTUS-less Obama is finding it hard to articulate now, especially when it comes to talking about his marriage. I’m sure some of Obama’s relis weren’t overly impressed with his comments to reporters that he married his ‘cute’ wife to improve his ‘gene pool’. For the love of god can someone please return his friggin teleprompter ASAP!!!

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French Sexual Needs Fail

Jean-Louis B is not only wifeless but is now out of pocket $14,000. Seems his ex wife has successfully sued him for failing to fulfill her sexual needs…for 21 friggin years! Hmm, compo for not putting out, how interesting!!! Poor Jean-Louis (51) told the French judge he was often tired and had health problems…..since he was 30?????? The frustrated 47 year old wife finally called the marriage quits and the judge backed up her argument that it was all Jean Louis’s fault!

Psst You watch, I bet old jean-Louis B will be on eHarmony within a week!

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Filed under Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

True Love Or The Biggest Loser Ever!!!!

He loves me. He really loves me.

Poor civil servant Alfonso Diez must be really, really, really in love. The 61 year old is set to marry Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva the 85 year old  Duchess of Alba. She is estimated to be worth between $850 million and $5 billion. But there is a catch. The clever little duchess is giving away all of her wealth to prove to her family Mr Diez is marrying her for love not money. Oh well. So close but yet …

Psst Seems the Duchess has more titles than any noble on earth plus she doesn’t have to kneel before the Pope. Hello head of the 539 year old House of alba has its benefits (except if you are Mr Diez).

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

Albert’s In The Doghouse

Egads, did anyone watch the sad, sad, fairytale horror film  that was Prince Albert of Monaco’s wedding? The bride was in tears and her groom had a face like thunder. It was worse than awkward. Rumor has it Charlene had discovered just prior to the nuptials that Albert had been screwing around during their engagement and may have got the other woman preggers. Good grief!  How many friggin DNA tests can a prince be force to take for goodness sakes? Anywho, seems poor Charlene tried to bolt several times before the wedding but was foiled each time by Monaco minders. You see Albert needs an heir quick smart or he won’t have anyone to succeed him.Hmm, seems his 4 2 illegitimate kiddies don’t count!  So Charlene was the lucky soul assigned to producing the offspring. But now that she is really, really, pissed off with him I don’t think there will be no  pitter patter of tiny little feet  anytime soon unless they go IVF. Oh and don’t be thinking she could be wooed out of her disgust by spending their honeymoon at the $3,400 a night presidential suite at the luxury Oyster Box Hotel in South Africa. Nope, seems they scrapped that plan. Charlene downsized to a cheaper room and Albert packed his bags and headed to the Hilton 16kms down the road. Welcome to married life Albert!

 

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Start Spreading the News

You can come out know!

I want to wake up in a city,
That has equality,
To find I’m king of the hill,
Head of the list,
Cream of the crop
At top of the heap.

If I can marry there,
I can marry anywhere
Come on, come through,
New York, New York.

Governor Andrew Cuomo made same-sex marriages legal in New York on Friday.

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Happy Ever After

Hollywood is all abuzz with the latest creepy nuptials. No silly, not Hugh Hefner, that was so yesterday. No the marriage between Lost star Doug Hutchison  and girlfriend Courtney Stodden. Sheez, haven’t you heard?  Seems people have a problem with him being 51 and her being 16. Oh come on loons, her daddy  gave her consent and anywho, according to her mom “Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl.”

Psst When she grows up Courtney wants to be a country music singer.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never