Tag Archives: Maryland

Frosty The Snowman Won’t Be Home For Christmas

OMG, Frosty the Snowman has been arrested in Maryland for assaulting a police dog and two cops during a Christmas parade. Sheez!

Want sauce with that?

7 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Well Now YOU Are charged

No Cody No, how many times have I told you burglars, don’t leave your friggin cell phones charging at the scene of the crime! Cody Wilkins plugged his phone in to charge whilst robbing a house in Maryland but got sprung by the homeowners son and had to flee through a window. Dude! Sheez, police suspect he’s been involved in over 42 burglaries since the beginning of the year, which is like less than 40 days. Hmm, no wonder you have to keep charging that damn phone!

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Wanker

Ewh, you know what I hate? When you go to a school library and some fool exposes himself and then ejaculates on your arm . I really friggin hate that! Oritse Ayu from Maryland was arrested after being identified from the Montgomery College surveillance footage. It is alleged Ayu ejaculated on the woman as she was reading then when she turned around he flashed his penis at her. Lucky there is plenty of DNA evidence.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Whoops!

Watch Out For The …..

Oh no, David Shigeru Yamamoto Hepner (19) from Maryland died after he leaned out of a window of a moving truck and was hit by a telephone pole. Hepner was with two of his school mates when they spotted a group of friends and he leaned out to wave.

2 Comments

Filed under End Credit, Whoops!

What’s Worse Than Being Justin Bieber?

Some poor woman who was minding her own beeswax in a bar in maryland was forced to show her ID after other patrons rang the police thinking it was Justin Bieber underage drinking. Awkward! See, that’s what happens when you dress like a 16 year old boy…. or does Bieber dress like a 27 year old woman? You decide!

Psst Wanna see the Justin Bieber look alike …click here TMZ but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

You’re It!

Oh for goodness sakes, a burglar who found himself dangling from the ventilation system of a convenience store in Maryland told police it was all a big misunderstanding, he was simply playing hide and seek. The unfortunate soul was found by the owner with his feet dangling out of a duct. The fool had also set off the fire extinguisher which had left the place covered in powder. When police arrived he told them he had been playing hide and seek on the roof and had hidden in the ventilation system but when the players couldn’t find him they left. How’s about, no!

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Valentine’s Day Sting

The candyman can...

Those cheeky devils in Maryland made 15 arrests over Valentine’s Day by getting a police officer to pretend to be a candy delivery worker. Brilliant. Here’s how it all went down, Sergeant Tanya Pfaltzgraff called a group of suckers, who had unserved warrants. She then told them they had been given a Valentine’s present and they needed to know a good time for it to be delivered. Once a time was set Lt. Jennifer Gilbert-Duran then posed as a driver for Keystone Candigrams (hmm, I wonder if the “keystone” pun was intended?) and busted them the moment they signed for their pressie. The biggest hoot about the sting operation was they each made a scheduled time for their own arrest.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Sore Loser

Honey, I Wont Be Home For Dinner

Boo!

WTF Maryland residents, no need for alarm! A Maryland woman was minding her own bees wax in shopping center car park and noticed a stick on the ground. When she went to pick it up the stick bit her. Yep, that wasn’t no stick, that was a friggin cobra! See, I told you WTF. Evidently the 2ft monocled cobra took a liking to her finger and sunk his friggin fangs in it. Bravest woman in the world managed to bag the beast before hightailing it to the Baltimore clinic where they all pretty much said  WTF is that. After a major ring around to find someone who stocked friggin anti cobra venom, they had success.  All hail the Philadelphia Zoo who had a couple of vials of cobra anitvenom next to the hen’s teeth.

Psst Oh and for any of you who are the least bit concerned about the snake, he is safe and sound in his new abode at a zoo in Fredrick County. Oh yeah and the woman will live too. Win/win.

9 Comments

Filed under Friggin Wildlife, That's Gotta Hurt, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Homeless Man Tries To Fly The Coop

Wont try that again!

OK, here’s the thing homeless man, if you are going to steal an airplane, you got to get it off the ground or it kind of defeats the purpose. Calvin Cox stole a plane in an attempt to flee a Maryland town, but he didn’t even get it airbourne before he crashed it on the runway. He was later found in the woods.

Psst For all you plane enthusiasts, the plane he stole was a Piper Super Cub.

7 Comments

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

Don’t Feed The Friggin Vultures!

Decisons, decisions, shall I piss, poop or vomit?

Oh for the love of god, will you stop feeding the friggin vultures lady! Marie Ripley has been feeding the 60 or so scavengers ground beef and chicken breast since last year and the now the buggers won’t go away.  Neighbors are furious that the birds of prey are just hanging around and make themselves at home. Nothing worse than vulture shit on your cars, people! Hmm, well on your deck, roof and outdoor furniture ain’t particularly pleasing either! Ms Ripley, from Laurel in Maryland, said she only feeds them to stop them going through her trash. Geez, what sort of rotting carcasses do you have in your trash?
Anywho, I decided to research vulture poop so I could be truly  ill informed, and people guess what? That ain’t what you should be friggin worried about,  check out what Wiki had to say  “Vulture stomach acid is exceptionally corrosive and enables them to use their reeking, corrosive vomit as a defensive projectile when threatened. Vultures urinate straight down their legs; the uric acid kills bacteria accumulated from walking through carcasses, and also acts as evaporative cooling.” I’m sorry but I have to draw the line at cleaning up vulture vomit. Friggin ewh!

Psst Oh and if you were wondering why local authorities haven’t got involved,  wildlife regulations in the area only prohibit the feeding of bears. I suppose they should be thankful for that small mercy!

12 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never, Whoops!