Urban Terrorists?

Sheez renters, really? The owner of a Massachusetts house, which was about to be put on the market after renters moved out, got the shock of his life when he discovered it was wired to blow. Yep, there was a bomb ready to kaboom as soon as someone turned on one of the house’s light switches.

And You Were Going So Well

A woman in Massachusetts thought she could fool the police by making her very own cardboard license plate, including the blue and red “The Spirit of America” and attach it to her unlicensed car. If she had only remembered to draw an updated inspection sticker on it too. Damn it. That’s a heap of citations right there.

Massachu-sex

NO, stop that right now!!!

If you are contemplating a divorce in Massachusetts just remember you can’t have sex with your spouse until all the paperwork is finalized. Hmm, well that is what a new bill is proposing. Hmm, so there goes the make up sex then! I sense some eye rolling Loons, well here it is …

Bill 787:

“In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.”

OMG, you need sex permission from the courts…. now thats just awkward.

PSST I wonder what the punishment is? Come on Loons I am sure you can think of some.

Haven’t You Seen A Man In Undies Before?

What could possibly freak out the girls at Wellesley College in Massachusetts? Hmm, a lifelike statue of a man in undies sleepwalking might just do it. The sculpture was installed at the all girls school in February but already there is a petition circulating to have it removed. Why?

Don’t Try This At Home Kiddies

A 10 year old kid in Massachusetts got busted after he rang 911 to complain about his mom sending him to bed at 8pm despite not having school the following day. It all went down when his mother called his bluff after he told her he was going to ring the police. Damn straight she said “go ahead” and he did. Despite hanging up without saying a word the cops came a knocking and the boy not only got a big friggin lecture from them but was also grounded for two weeks. Sweet dreams.

Please Return The Plastic Lawn Flamingos

Attention people from Massachusetts,  just letting the person or persons who stole the 39 plastic flamingos from Arthur O’Neil’s front lawn, that the ransom note has been handed over to police. The flamingos, which were dressed in colorful costumes, were stolen between May and August. Mr O’Neil who said “I understand the police have more important things to worry about, but it hurts,”, will stop displaying them if any more are stolen. 😦

Jesus Goes Out For Chinese Takeaway

The dude is back and this time he has been spotted outside the Mayho Chinese Takeaway in Massachusetts. Not sure if he was after an eggroll or whether he was checking out St Luke’s Church across the road.

You Can’t %&*#ing Curse in Middleboro

Well %$*@ me, a new Middleboro (Massachusetts) bylaw, that now gives police the power to fine anyone caught %$*@ing swearing in public, has ruffled the feathers of the locals. A group of about 60 protestors cursed and flashed their middle fingers in disgust at the new laws. Hell, a protest isn’t complete without a megaphone, and the protestors didn’t disappoint, with an open mic allowing anyone to express their disapproval with some choice words. Hmm, I’m predicting a few people may be bankrupt by the end of the year .

No Longer Appealing

Hmm, the auto insurance industry in Massachusetts are at a loss as to why so many fewer motorist are appealing traffic accidents or traffic violations since they introduced fees and surcharges.

A House Rings 911

Evidently a derelict house in Massachusetts rang 911 in a desperate cry for help. The empty Marblehead house was suffering from leaky pipes, toxic mold, buckled floors and a sagging roof when it made the emergency call. Officers raced to the address to find the place in a state of complete chaos. Sadly the officers were powerless to assist the seriously ill structure and could only watch in horror as it creaked in pain. The owner is yet to be notified. Seems the call went out to police after water short circuited the phone system and immediately rang through to 911.

Want sauce with that?