Tag Archives: melbourne

WTF Australia!!!!

Just when you thought Australia couldn’t get more scarier …. introducing sea lice. Yes, the latest creature to deter us from putting a friggin toe in the ocean. A teen was left bleeding from hundreds of little bites after cooling off  for a few minutes in the water. Doctors, who struggled to contain the bleeding were baffled as to what the hell caused this mess.  The teens confused father decided to go back to the location with some chunks of meat and guess what? Friggin flesh eating bugs appeared. But don’t fret sea loving loons, in typical Aussie fashion an expert said ‘sea lice should not alarm people or deter them from swimming.’ Hmm, neither should sharks, blue ring octopus, stone fish or deadly jellyfish right?

Sea Lice


I deliberately put his horror image last, so look away squeamish loons….the ravishes of sea lice….

UPDATE: The creatures have been identified now as Sea Fleas not Sea Lice. Who friggin cares, they are spawns of Satan!!!!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

What a Tool

When your flashing just doesn’t seem to be working for ya , why not try wearing a high-visibility fluoro-yellow work top? That seems to be the go. Melbourne Police are on the hunt for a tradie who has been dropping his daks and exposes himself to women over the past month.

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Fruit of the Loon

Banana man closed down a council meeting in Melbourne after he started handing out bananas. Evidently, Banana Man was protesting against the Mayor using a council vehicle to visit the Big Banana at Coffs Harbour during the Christmas break. In response the Mayor stopped the meeting and Banana Man split.


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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Sore Loser

Superman Hates His Life

Seems even Superman can lose his temper ….


Filed under Well I Never

Stop Blowing Your Horn

Oh for crying out loud. A Melbourne motorist had more than pursed lips after he was busted for …wait for it…playing a trumpet while he was driving. An cop drove up beside the maestro , following complaints by other drivers about his erratic behaviour, and discovered he was tooting away. No word on what he was playing.

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Filed under Well I Never

Is That You Santa?

I’m guessing the Aussie Santa was naughty this year. A post office in Melbourne was robbed by Santa. Yes, he had a red suit and a bushy white beard. The staff intially thought Santa was going to hand out candy but he wanted them to fill his sack full of money. He fled in a Jeep.

Hey Santa,  Rudolph is missing!!!

Sucked in!!!


Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Nail Biting Emergency



Oh crap. Melbourne authorities have sent out an urgent plea for the man who bought Tincture of Nux Vomica from a local pharmacy  to return it immediately. Seems it contains friggin strychnine. Yes , you heard me strychnine. The man told the pharmachist he wanted something to stop his kid from biting their nails. Hmm, yeah, that will do it. Ingesting it can cause convulsions and possible death. Big question, who sells strychnine to the public? Miss Marple would be rolling around in her grave.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Smurfs Wanted For Questioning

Four Smurfs are wanted by police over a bashing in Melbourne. Evidently some poor dude bought cigs at a 7 eleven before being confronted by one of the Smurfs desperate for a smoke. After refusing to light the cigarette for the Smurf, the man was allegedly assaulted. Police believe the 4 Smurfs hold the key to what happened. The Smurfs were last seen trying to jump start a white VS Commodore.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never


A cross dressing bandit has held up a gas station in Geelong, Melbourne. Police say he was wearing  “fake nails, blue eye shadow, red lipstick and black stockings” and  had “demanded cash and cigarettes in a manly voice.” If you recognize him,  be kind and don’t tease him.



Filed under Friggin Hilarious, You Go Girl!

My, What A Suspicious Looking Groin Bulge You Have!

OK, here’s the thing dude, having an enormous groin bulge is definitely going to attract suspicion from police and a probable frisking. Officers  hit pay dirt when they decided to check the well endowed man and  found nine stolen credit cards, a loaded gun, about 180 ecstasy tablets, 28 grams of amphetamines and a large amount of cash stuffed down his undies.

Psst Yes, it was in Melbourne Fairy Face!!!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never