Tag Archives: miami

Robbed and Penis Whipped

sleeping 2Could your day get any worse?  A woman not only had to deal with the trauma of a home invasion but also the humiliation of being slapped around the face by one of the robber’s penis. No, I haven’t made it up. The two men confronted the owner outside the house before entering and confronting the owner’s daughter-in-law who was asleep in her bedroom. They put a gun to her head and demanded money. When she said she didn’t have any, one of the dude’s whipped out his penis and began slapping her around the face with it yelling ‘Bitch give me the money.’  Good gracious, who knows where that has been  …. not enough soap in the world  😦  . Anywho, , they eventually left penniless but took two TVs on the way out. Seems they may have followed her after she took out money from a ATM earlier.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

Poet Shot Dead

A well known Miami poet, Will “Da Real One” Bell, has been shot dead by gunmen outside his Literary Cafe and Poetry Lounge.  It is believed a car pulled up moments before closing time and an assailant open fired. Police have yet to find a motive for the killing as no money or jewelry were taken from the victim. Sheez, who would kill a poet?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, End Credit, Well I Never

Mystery Of The Grand Piano

Attention people, can the owner of a 650lb grand piano left on a sandbar in Miami’s Biscayne Bay please remove it because the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission say they’ll be damned if they will (unless it becomes a hazard to wildlife or boats)!

Psst Maybe Liberace isn’t dead?

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Step Away From The Alligator One Armed Man!

Stop it. I want to HELP you!!!

Sometimes being a friggin do gooder just doesn’t pay.Take for instance Alexander Alcantare, he lost an arm after falling on an electric fence trying to rescue some baby birds and now he nearly lost the other one trying to save a pissed off  alligator with an arrow in its head.Sheez, some people. The latest drama involved a alligator which was obviously injured in water near his Miami home. Alcantare thought he could trap it and then get it some medical attention. Hmm, the whole plan backfired when the guy who was helping him got scared, let go of the rope and kaboom, arm in mouth. Oh and the saga only gets worse after Alcantare rang police, not only did he get fined for being in possession of the alligator, the bastards friggin euthanized the reptile because the fool got bit. Another Chicken Soup For The Soul fail!

Psst They should have euthanized the person who shot the alligator with an arrow!

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Friggin Snail Mucus

If a self appointed guru, who practices a traditional African religion, says to swallow snail mucus, just say no, OK! The unfortunate followers from Miami who ate the mucus from the Giant African Snail all got violently ill, began losing weight and started developing strange lumps in their stomachs. OMG. Authorities are now freaking because the Giant African Snail is banned in the US mainly because it can “grow up to 10 inches long, can reproduce on its own and even can even eat plaster.” WTF? Everybody panic!

Psst OK, don’t be kind to this snail!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

I’ll Wash Your Mouth Out With ….

Teacher gets probabtion for spiking childs drink with Tabasco sauceOMG, the special education teacher who spiked an autistic kid’s soda with Tabasco sauce has been given 2 years probation. Hello, isn’t that stuff like hell hot? The incident happened after the child took the can from her desk without permission. Guess if you are going to put Tabasco in someone’s drink you should do it in Miami….bunch of wrist slappers! Autistic kid 0, badassed teacher 1

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never