Could your day get any worse? A woman not only had to deal with the trauma of a home invasion but also the humiliation of being slapped around the face by one of the robber’s penis. No, I haven’t made it up. The two men confronted the owner outside the house before entering and confronting the owner’s daughter-in-law who was asleep in her bedroom. They put a gun to her head and demanded money. When she said she didn’t have any, one of the dude’s whipped out his penis and began slapping her around the face with it yelling ‘Bitch give me the money.’ Good gracious, who knows where that has been …. not enough soap in the world 😦 . Anywho, , they eventually left penniless but took two TVs on the way out. Seems they may have followed her after she took out money from a ATM earlier.
A well known Miami poet, Will “Da Real One” Bell, has been shot dead by gunmen outside his Literary Cafe and Poetry Lounge. It is believed a car pulled up moments before closing time and an assailant open fired. Police have yet to find a motive for the killing as no money or jewelry were taken from the victim. Sheez, who would kill a poet?
If a self appointed guru, who practices a traditional African religion, says to swallow snail mucus, just say no, OK! The unfortunate followers from Miami who ate the mucus from the Giant African Snail all got violently ill, began losing weight and started developing strange lumps in their stomachs. OMG. Authorities are now freaking because the Giant African Snail is banned in the US mainly because it can “grow up to 10 inches long, can reproduce on its own and even can even eat plaster.” WTF? Everybody panic!
Psst OK, don’t be kind to this snail!
OMG, the special education teacher who spiked an autistic kid’s soda with Tabasco sauce has been given 2 years probation. Hello, isn’t that stuff like hell hot? The incident happened after the child took the can from her desk without permission. Guess if you are going to put Tabasco in someone’s drink you should do it in Miami….bunch of wrist slappers! Autistic kid 0, badassed teacher 1