Tag Archives: Michael Lallana

That Would Explain The Floaties

Oh for goodness sakes, ejaculating in your co-worker’s water bottle because her “lips had touched it” and it was as close as you were going to ever going to get to her, is a pretty lame excuse Michael Lallana. Hmm, doing it twice is damn right evil. In the first incident the poor victim had no idea that Mr lallana had um, left his semen in her water bottle, which was sitting on her desk. After she took a swig, she felt sick and threw the bottle away. A few months later a similar thing happened so she sent the bottle away for testing and guess what, it came back positive for semen (and not from some fish!).God bless DNA testing. Mr Lallana will learn his fate on Friday.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Wanker In The Workplace

OMG, OMG, OMG, Michael Lallana has been charged with jerking off into a female colleague’s bottle of water TWICE and each time the poor soul drank it. Ewh, ewh, ewh. It is believed Mr Lallana snuck into the woman’s office and masturbated into her water bottle which was on the desk. She told police after drinking from the bottle she had felt sick and had thrown it away. The second time it happened she kept the bottle and had it tested. I suspect she went a little pale when told the water contained semen. After a DNA check of staff  Mr Lallana was arrested.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never