Tag Archives: missing

How The Thief Stole Lorax

Oh no Loons, someone has stolen a 300lb bronze statue of Lorax from the property of the late Dr Seuss. The statue was standing on on the stump of a Truffula tree and we all know what that means, if someone doesn’t have a seed to replace the tree we’re all screwed!!! I bet it was the Grinch because the cat in the hat is too goddam lazy!!!

15 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Fears EastEnders Actress Murdered

Former EastEnders actress Gemma McCluskie is feared dead after a headless body was pulled from a canal in London. Her brother has been arrested in connection with her disappearance and police are yet to confirm if the body is that of Ms McCluskie. Friends of the actress organized a massive search after she was reported missing last week. Sad.

12 Comments

Filed under End Credit

Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are

Attention good people of Iran, if you happen to come across a US RQ-170 drone in your travels could you please give the CIA a buzz thanks, they are looking for it! Seems the $6 million unmanned aircraft,  nicknamed “beast of Kandahar”, went AWOL during a secret mission. Evidently it is so top secret the US Air Force haven’t even distributed a photo of the darn thing.

7 Comments

Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

20 Boxes Of Pig’s Feet Disappear

Attention loons, if anyone happens upon 20 boxes of frozen pig’s feet can you give Union Pacific Railroad police a buzz. Evidently they were stolen off a train during an emergency stop. Hmm, well ain’t they in for a surprise!!!

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Hero Alert

Guo Gangtang has been searching and searching and searching for his missing son for 13 years. In those years he has covered 400,000 km on an old motorbike and sold painted gourds to fund the search. His son Guo Zhong (2) disappeared in 1997 after a strange woman began talking to him while he played outside. He believes he was kidnapped and sold to a childless couple. Despite Gangtang’s efforts, there has been no trace of Guo Zhong. However, on his 13 year odyssey he has armed himself with info on other missing children and so far has found and reunited 7 missing children with their families “When I find the kids of other people, their happiness is like a miracle.”. Hero, hero, hero!

4 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Melting Moment

A woman in Chatham rang 999 (911 equivalent) after she discovered her snowman was missing from her front yard. No loons, not an ornament, a snowman made from friggin snow.  She told police  “I thought that with it being icy and there not being anyone about he’d be safe”. Hmm, obviously not, the sun can be a bitch!

 

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Well I Never

A Small Community Announcement

Found it!

Attention people,  if anyone in Tennessee comes across a cylinder shaped package with two rods inside, friggin run, it’s radioactive!!! Fed Ex seems to have misplaced the motherload which is probably glowing in the dark as we speak! The rods are used to calibrate hospital equipment and/or nuke the living hell out of ya.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

RIP Julien Hug

A contestant on the US dating show Bachelorette has been found dead near a California highway. Julien Hug competed for the heart of Jillian Harris in the 2009 series but only lasted two weeks before being eliminated. He had been  missing since  Monday. Jillian Harris said she is “completely heartbroken” over the news.

2 Comments

Filed under End Credit

Tick Tock

Oh dear god, a guinea pig British nurse who was injected with malaria during a clinical trial has gone AWOL and if he doesn’t get emergency attention within 48 hours he could die . Matthew Lloyd rang in sick during the second part of the trial which included the antidote/vaccine. Police went to Lloyd’s apartment but found no sign of him.

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Thanks For Nothing

Dead Nun In A Tool Shed

OK Loons you might want to whack on your deerstalkers, the body of a nun has been found in a tool shed at a Buddhist temple in California. Police say no one filed a  missing persons report because they all  thought she had simply left, despite the fact all her personal belongings were still at the temple. It is believed the nun has been missing since May. Hmm, maybe she was tinkering with someone something ?

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, End Credit, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, They Live Among Us !