Yummy Wild Turkey

Whoopsie, a mom accidentally filled pre-schooler’s Valentine boxes  with alcohol filled chocolates.  Hmm, happy snowflakes.

Mother’s Day Could Be Tricky!!!

OK here’s the thing kiddo, when getting into a domestic with your bro don’t be throwing a molotov cocktail at your mom,  because that is an arresting and a million dollar bond right there. Just saying.

Want sauce with that?

Best Excuse Ever

Best excuse ever for why a 13 year old boy stole a AK-47. Hmm, because he was pretty sure his mom wouldn’t buy him one. OK, so how sure are you that your mom will post your bail for grand theft of a firearm, sonny? Evidently the kid swiped  the weapon from house that his mom had worked at as a housekeeper.

Left Holding the Baby

Remember Susan Tollefsen? Come on loons think back.She became the oldest mom in England at 57 thanks to IVF treatment.Well how’s that working for her I hear you say? Hmm, not so good since her tomboy dumped her and now she is left to raise a 3 year old all by herself. Unlucky. Now Ms Tollefsen is warning women never ever do what she did.

Psst I hope when her daughter grows up she doesn’t read this!

Cutting The Apron Strings

Hello mother!!!

OK, here’s the thing Gene Fahr, when you are 51 and your girlfriend dumps you, don’t go blaming your mom for it! Sheez! Police were called to a house in Florida where Gene had unleashed his anger at his mother, Gayle, for being the alleged cause of his failed relationship. Apparently he had pepper sprayed her well and good before she managed to flee into her room. That’s when Gene bought out his firearm and began shooting at the door handle. Police managed to rescue the shaken mother who emerged wearing an oxygen mask. Hmm, I’m guessing no Chrissy presents for you Gene!

Son Kamakazes His Mom’s Home…. With Her In It

Oh for crying out loud Konrad Schmidt from Switzerland, kamikazing your mother’s home in an attempt to kill her only works if she isn’t in the basement at the time. Schmidt, who had been estranged from his mother, rang her from the cockpit of a hired light aircraft to ask ‘Are you home? I am just going to drop by.’ He then proceeded to circle her house a few times to line up the plane before flying at high speed straight into the building or as a witness nicely put it, he did  a “mini 9/11”.  Luckily for his mom she was in the basement and missed the whole fireball. Mom 1, son 0!

Don’t Mess With Mom

Wanna mess with him again?

A Crestview mom came up with a simple and friggin effective way to stop her eldest son picking on his younger bro. Call the police.Yep, after oldest son (18) got peeved with mom, he went off and slapped his younger brother. Response? A call to the cops. Hmm, after they  noted a red mark on younger boy’s face, they arrested older brother for battery.

Man Attacks His Bedridden Mom

Oh dear, attempted murder, mayhem, torture, domestic violence, causing pain to a dependent adult and resisting arrest  are just some of the charges Stanley Mumby  faces after he whacked his bedridden mom (83) with a wooden sword. Geez, what did she do to cause that?

Psst Mother’s Day will be awkward.

Never Punk Your Mom

Blahahaaha it's meeee....

OK, here’s the thing people, if you decide to play a prank on your mom, make sure she isn’t armed. A 21 year old man from Milwaukee thought it would be a hoot to scare his mom, so he donned a ski mask and pretended to rob her. Boo! Hmm, she whipped out her .357 revolver faster than you could say WTF and  opened fire. The son was hit twice by bullets with one hitting him right in the groin. Bye-bye grandkids.

Mom Becomes Narc To Reduce Hubby’s Jail Sentence

Tu friggin comprendes

What would you do if your hubby  was sent to  prison for 15 years for selling methamphetamine out of his mechanic shop and his kids were constantly crying and whining about missing him. Hmm,  I know what I would do and it wouldn’t involve ringing  the Omaha Police Department and begging to become an informant in exchange for reducing hubby’s sentence. The Spanish speaking mom convinced the Omaha narcotic unit to allow her to work undercover in an extremely dangerous drug gang in exchange for getting her husband a reduced sentence. And guess what? After 7 months of  washing their clothes, doing drug runs and basically building trust, she singlehandedly brought down the drug ring . In the end Omaha police seized 13 pounds of methamphetamine worth an estimated $500,000 and arrested 11 people on drug and gun charges. The woman, who cannot be named for friggin obvious reasons, said “She did what she did for her children.”

Psst Geez, I bet her kids eat all their peas!!!!

2nd Psst You can read all about her heroism at Omaha.com