Tag Archives: nanny state

Tea Slurping Prohibited

After the tea ban I went back to beer!

Welcome to the Nanny State tea drinkers. Council officials in Northampton Borough have ordered the charity, who serve tea and cake at the 12th century Delapré Abbey, to take their business to the car park because the tea drinkers are too friggin noisy. Yes, all the noisy tea slurping that goes on  is apparently disturbing people who are trying to enjoy the tranquility of the historical abbey. Geez and we all know how off putting noisy tea drinkers can be! Planning officer Andrew Holden told the Sun newspaper “We want to keep the garden peaceful. It was being disturbed by tea drinking.”

Psst Hmm, I suspect  the business is doing far too well for the council’s liking !

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

No Friggin Paint On A Bus

Are you kidding me?

Oh and while we are on the subject of Nanny State, Brian Wakley (over 65) , from Sandford in Dorset, was denied access to a bus because he was carrying a tin of fence paint. Who knew the can of non-toxic green paint breached bus regulations. A spokesman for the Yellow buses said “I recognise that the issue of carrying paint on buses is something some people may think is a minor issue but, unfortunately, over the years we have experienced instances of paint being accidentally dropped by passengers and spilling over the floor, on to seats and splashing other passengers.”  Yes, because we all know there is nothing worse than sitting in a puddle of paint!

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Virtual Strip Search

Can you spread those legs wider please?

Oh my, Nanny State are having  few legal issues with the full body scanners lying dormant in storage at Heathrow. Hmm, seems the devices could breach child protection laws. What the? Evidently the images of children who go through these scanners could be deemed as pornographic. Say what? Oh yes, it is forbidden in the UK to create indecent images of children thus anyone under 18 is extempt from the scan. Groups are saying these scanners are like a “virtual strip search” and it leaves little to the imagination. Dear god, forget the children I don’t particularly fancy having my lush bod being perved at either.

Psst The terrorists must be friggin laughing at us!

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Dunce Corner is Dumb

Geez, what is school without a dunce corner? Hmm, well that’s a breach of a child’s human rights people. Health and safety officials have warned schools not to place disruptive children in corners because it will humiliated them, plus they could faint. Officials seem to think it is better just to get them to explain to the class why they are interrupting the lesson than to put them in a corner. Hmm, that will work!

Psst Last year the Lambeth council paid for disruptive students to receive foot massages in class to calm them down. Go Nanny State.

17 Comments

Filed under Friggin Councils, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !

Human Rights Rapist

Steven Ralf is a rapist , sexual predator and now human rights activist. Hmm, seems he was considerably pissed that, being an atheist and all, he had to share a cell with a “bible bashing” Christian. He complained to his lawyers that his human rights were being breached because the “guy wouldn’t shut up about God.” In the end Nanny State buckled and the Manchester prison transferred the Christian.

Psst The Christian guy should sue for discrimination and make all the lawyers happy.

9 Comments

Filed under Friggin Nanny State, Friggin Wrong, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Politically Correct Bingo

Whose calling me Dirty Gertie, you Heinz Variety!

Oh dear god, Nanny State is taking aim at bingo callers. Seems phrases like “two fat ladies” , “legs eleven”, “Dirty Gertie” or “Droopy drawers” could offend some people and the Sudbury Town Council have told callers to friggin stop it. John Sayers who runs bingo in Sudbury, Suffolk was told by a council clerk not to use the traditional bingo call because it may upset someone and they could sue. Now all he gets are complaints about how boring his calling is .

8 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Councils, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Boxing Day Isn’t A Holiday in Nanny State

What luck. Seems because Boxing Day falls on a Saturday this year, some of the Nanny State councils have declared it NOT an official holiday and therefore are handing out parking fines to all the Boxing Day shoppers.That’s a £120 ticket right there, instead of being public holiday free. But the best part is trying to work out which councils are or aren’t imposing the fines because it seems to be random. Good luck with that.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Councils, Friggin Nanny State, Friggin Wrong, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth Back!

Would you sign a waiver before eating a Christmas pudding? Hmm, seems the patrons of the High Timber restaurant were willing to. See the problem in the Nanny State is, if you happen to eat a traditional pudding and choke or chip a tooth on one of the silver charms inside it, you could sue their damn asses off. Now wouldn’t that be nice? So waiver it is.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Ten Pin Bowling Is An Extreme Sport in The UK

A friggin death trap!

OMG,after 2 years and £250,000 spent on a study by Health and Safety (HSE) they  have concluded that ten pin bowling alleys are  a very friggin dangerous environment for families! Dear god imagine, little snowflakes running down the lanes and getting trapped in machinery or someone walking down the 60 ft lanes to knock over the pins by hand and getting injured. Geez, it’s a friggin death trap when you think about it, a friggin death trap! Among the recommendations put forward, was for operators to fit photoelectric beams on the lanes so the machines will cut off automatically if anyone, by chance, wanders down the slippery as all get up lanes. Once again I must stop here to point out there is no need for concern,  natural selection will sort out the losers.

Psst I did note there was no mention of the obvious dangers, eg spraining a wrist, hurting your back, slipping on the spilled beer, salmonella from the curly fries…you know, the basic dangers!

2nd Psst When was the last time you heard about someone being squashed by the pinsetting machinery for goodness sakes?

23 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Evolution Be Damned!, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Those Who Can, Teach, Those Who Can’t Are Criminals

I was young, it was college, I only took a puff!

Of all the dumbassed nanny state ideas! Ofsted want all the estimated 40,000 parents who are teaching their kids at home to undergo a criminal records check. The parents who fall below the line of Mary Poppin’s status should then be barred from teaching their own children (hmm, so can they teach other people’s kids?). So let me get this straight the government is quite happy to have parents with black marks against their names to live under the same roof as their snowflakes , just not during school hours and definitely not if they are teach them ! Brilliant I say, brilliant.Oh hello and now for the bonus round, any parents who fail the checks will be getting some special attention from child protection social workers. Hmm, like shouldn’t that already be happening if they are abusive? Seems like some other gov department ain’t doing their job!

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Councils, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Nanny State, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never