Tag Archives: NASA

Dumbass Aliens Looking Like Fish

OMG, are you that stupid?

Apparently we are not alone. One ex NASA scientiest believes the reason we haven’t spied a single damn  alien is because they are living underwater on some planet out in deep space. Maybe even under a frozen ocean.
Their survival would be improved because they wouldn’t suffer all the nasty universe issues like exploding stars or space radiation.
He goes even further to suggest they are well protected under a big chunk of ice that makes it impossible for us to contact them. Yep, I’m hearing ya. Mobile phone coverage is a bitch!
The “fish like” aliens are evidently dumber than us because they can’t build fires. Oh well move on, nothing to see hear. Seriously, do we need any more dumbasses in the world?

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

NASA Loves To Scare Us

OK loons, no need to panic just yet but NASA have just announced they have discovered 114 new “near earth objects” with 10 being asteroids that could potentially kaboom us. NASA have released a video showing all the potential death rocks but you know what? It was so boring I didn’t bother.

PSST  Evidently, foil hats wont save us.

2 Comments

Filed under Well I Never

Incoming!!!!!

As if we haven’t got enough things to worry about, NASA are now scratching their collective heads about an astroid that could kaboom us all. The rock in question is about 500m in diameter and is spinning through orbit at an alarming 101,000 km per hour. Hard hat sales are going to go through the roof. My greatest fear however, is that in a few million years another species of beings will be talking about this “amazing” civilisation that had once roamed the Earth. This civilisation was so advanced they had little devices that could locate and catch creatures known as Pokemons.

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Reboot Damn You

Oh NASA, just when you thought everything was just dandy. Hello, New Horizons probe, can you hear us? The $700 million probe had been scooting across the universe for 9 years and 3 billion miles when …..crickets. It was just days away from doing a flyby of Pluto went it lost all communication. Fortunately NASA was able make contact a few hours later and put the damn thing into “safe mode” .  Which is tech talk for it still isn’t friggin working. So close and yet so  far.  They are currently in WTF mode as they try and fix the glitch and reboot the main computer before NASA be like “Oh crap”. They are sweating bullets to get it functioning before it reaches Pluto or they will have jack for their efforts.

PSST Probably still running Windows 94. Good luck getting an update.

3 Comments

Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Putin Puts NASA in a Spin

NASA says to pray if a large asteroid heads to earth  Forget Ukraine, seems Putin wants the universe. Nervous observers fear a new Russian satellite, which is behaving strangely, might be designed to attack or jam other satellites. Named Kosmos 2499 by the Russians, the satellite is sending out strange signals and is shifting orbits in a very precise series of moves. The US have now placed it on their suspicious objects list, which means absolutely nothing.

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary

Wake Up Call

Can I come with you?

Can I come with you?

Oh lighten up NASA, you bearers of bad news, you. Seems us humans have messed up …again. Too many kids, not enough natural resources and an ever growing social divide are just some of the reasons why we are doomed. NASA predicts that in the next few decades the world will be split into the “elites” and the “masses” (like it isn’t already?) and if you aren’t in the first group , well lets just say, I hope you like living on an empty stomach. Thanks NASA.

9 Comments

Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Thanks A Friggin Lot NASA

NASA says to pray if a large asteroid heads to earth  OK loons, you might want to scratch NASA and Bruce Willis off your contact list. They ain’t gonna save you if an asteroid comes a calling. In fact, the advice from NASA’s chief is ….. pray. Yep, he says, no can do to saving our sorry asses if an asteroid comes hurtling towards us. Evidently, NASA have found 95% of  all asteroids that are big enough to wipe out civilization but they say none pose an immediate threat. No word on the 5% by any chance? And anywho, the big ones aren’t what we should be worried about, the fact that NASA didn’t see the Russian asteroid coming makes me more way more nervous and makes me question what the hell they do all day? Hmm, now where did I put my hard hat?

 

16 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, Well I Never