Want to earn $26,000 for two months work? Well, it really isn’t work it’s basically being lazy-assed while NASA and the European Space Agency use you as a guinea pig. A lazy-assed guinea pig. All you have to do is lie down and do nothing for 60 days. Kinda feel like I do that already but anywho, applicants are being sorted. It does come with some bummers, firstly, it is in Cologne, Germany and secondly, you’ll probably have to lie down with other like-minded lazy creatures in shared accommodation. Oh, and if you want (or care) what the experiment is for, it’s to do with testing weightlessness in space.
PSST: If you can decipher German you can find the application here
OMG, are you that stupid?
Apparently we are not alone. One ex NASA scientiest believes the reason we haven’t spied a single damn alien is because they are living underwater on some planet out in deep space. Maybe even under a frozen ocean.
Their survival would be improved because they wouldn’t suffer all the nasty universe issues like exploding stars or space radiation.
He goes even further to suggest they are well protected under a big chunk of ice that makes it impossible for us to contact them. Yep, I’m hearing ya. Mobile phone coverage is a bitch!
The “fish like” aliens are evidently dumber than us because they can’t build fires. Oh well move on, nothing to see hear. Seriously, do we need any more dumbasses in the world?
OK loons, no need to panic just yet but NASA have just announced they have discovered 114 new “near earth objects” with 10 being asteroids that could potentially kaboom us. NASA have released a video showing all the potential death rocks but you know what? It was so boring I didn’t bother.
PSST Evidently, foil hats wont save us.
As if we haven’t got enough things to worry about, NASA are now scratching their collective heads about an astroid that could kaboom us all. The rock in question is about 500m in diameter and is spinning through orbit at an alarming 101,000 km per hour. Hard hat sales are going to go through the roof. My greatest fear however, is that in a few million years another species of beings will be talking about this “amazing” civilisation that had once roamed the Earth. This civilisation was so advanced they had little devices that could locate and catch creatures known as Pokemons.
Oh NASA, just when you thought everything was just dandy. Hello, New Horizons probe, can you hear us? The $700 million probe had been scooting across the universe for 9 years and 3 billion miles when …..crickets. It was just days away from doing a flyby of Pluto went it lost all communication. Fortunately NASA was able make contact a few hours later and put the damn thing into “safe mode” . Which is tech talk for it still isn’t friggin working. So close and yet so far. They are currently in WTF mode as they try and fix the glitch and reboot the main computer before NASA be like “Oh crap”. They are sweating bullets to get it functioning before it reaches Pluto or they will have jack for their efforts.
PSST Probably still running Windows 94. Good luck getting an update.
Forget Ukraine, seems Putin wants the universe. Nervous observers fear a new Russian satellite, which is behaving strangely, might be designed to attack or jam other satellites. Named Kosmos 2499 by the Russians, the satellite is sending out strange signals and is shifting orbits in a very precise series of moves. The US have now placed it on their suspicious objects list, which means absolutely nothing.
Can I come with you?
Oh lighten up NASA, you bearers of bad news, you. Seems us humans have messed up …again. Too many kids, not enough natural resources and an ever growing social divide are just some of the reasons why we are doomed. NASA predicts that in the next few decades the world will be split into the “elites” and the “masses” (like it isn’t already?) and if you aren’t in the first group , well lets just say, I hope you like living on an empty stomach. Thanks NASA.
OK loons, you might want to scratch NASA and Bruce Willis off your contact list. They ain’t gonna save you if an asteroid comes a calling. In fact, the advice from NASA’s chief is ….. pray. Yep, he says, no can do to saving our sorry asses if an asteroid comes hurtling towards us. Evidently, NASA have found 95% of all asteroids that are big enough to wipe out civilization but they say none pose an immediate threat. No word on the 5% by any chance? And anywho, the big ones aren’t what we should be worried about, the fact that NASA didn’t see the Russian asteroid coming makes me more way more nervous and makes me question what the hell they do all day? Hmm, now where did I put my hard hat?
You know, I thought NASA had our backs when it came to big things flying at us from outer space but I am now a little concerned that if they didn’t see a meteor the size of a friggin bus hurtling to Earth, what chance have we got. Dear god, what do they do all day? Experts say the meteorite shower that scared the shit out of Siberia had the force of 20 atomic bombs ( take that Kim Jong Un!!!). Hmm, sheez, that would have made some wave in my jacuzzi.
Psst One good thing about the shower is you get to know what music Russians listen to, thanks to their car cams.
Well, they will be breaking out the Tang at NASA tonight after rover Curiosity successfully landed on Mars. Seven minutes of terror my ass, it was like watching an episode of the Big Bang!!!!
Psst I LOLed so hard when they shouted “We got thumbnails”. They even clapped when they realized the shot was a wheel!!!