Tag Archives: NASA

Hey, Did Anyone See A Laptop With Top Secret Written On It?

Don't worry, no one can hear them scream

NASA is adamantly denying that a laptop stolen in March 2011,  containing all the secret codes that control the International Space Station (ISS), did not, and I repeat did not, put the lab in peril, OK!!! Sure it resulted in the “loss of the algorithms used to command and control the International Space Station” but peril? NO!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Earth is Solar Flare Proof!!!

Lying bastards!!!!

If by some odd chance the Mayans are right about the end of the world in 2012, be rest assured it won’t be because of a massive solar flare. Well, so says NASA. They are convinced the Earth won’t be burned to a crisp  because the sun isn’t powerful enough to send a mega fireball 93 million miles. Hmm, so it’s back to the drawing board you friggin doomsayers!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, Whoops!

Is Everyone OK?

Just heard that the satellite has crash landed on Earth but NASA don’t know friggin where!!! Hope everyone is OK.

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Incoming Dead Satellite

Sorry I didn't believe you Loon!!!!

Incoming space junk should be heading this way very shortly. Might want to wear a helmet over the weekend. I’m just saying! Half a ton of satellite could damn hurt! Oh and if you thought you were safe in the US , think again. NASA have announced the dead satellite isn’t hurtling to Earth as fast as they thought and could now hit the States. Hmm, might want to get Erin Brockovich’s phone number handy.

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Yeah, About That Satellite Crashing To Earth

OK loons, about this satellite that is expected to plunge to Earth anytime soon, NASA now say we might have to dodge up to 26 pieces!!!! Yep, you heard me, 26 chunks are likely to survive re-entry and where they land no one friggin knows. Hmm, well that dramatically increases the odds of getting whacked on the head, now doesn’t it?  Oh but don’t bother ringing NASA, they are wiping their hands of the whole thing, saying even if they tracked it from  re-entry they couldn’t predict where or who the hell the pieces  were going to hit. The thing is spinning out of control. All they know is the majority of the satellite will melt and burn but about half a ton is coming to get us on Thursday, Friday, Saturday soon.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !

Asteroids Got a Bum Wrap!

Who friggin cares!!!!

Well, well, well, seems the asteroids have been the innocent victims in the whole dinosaur extinction argument. NASA scientists are now debunking the theory that asteroids crashed into Earth 65 million years ago, annihilating the dinosaurs. Calling Lily Rush, Lily Rush to the front counter please. Yep, it seems they all got it wrong. The Baptisina asteroid, which has always been seen as the guilty party, broke up closer to 80 million years ago  instead of the 160 million years previously thought. Which means it had an alibi!

Want sauce with that?

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And Cue Hard Hats!!!!

Remember that 35ft,  6-ton Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite that is tumbling out of control and expected  to crash into Earth sometime real soon? Well, NASA say it’s going to be Friday, no Thursday, no wait it could be Saturday. Oh for goodness sakes just keep one eye glued to the sky for the next week OK!!!

Psst Dear god and you believe these people managed to deliver a live telecast from the moon in 1969!!!! Blahahahahahaaha

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Out of Control Satellite Expected to Plummet to Earth

If you happen to get plonked on the head by a heavy object in the next couple of months not to worry it’s probably NASA’s wayward satellite. Yep, its falling to Earth sometime soon but they don’t know when or where. NASA are already taking bets it has a 1 in 3,200 chance of hitting someone, which is  damn sight better odds than winning the lottery. The 6-ton Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (space junk) which ran out of fuel in 2005 will fall uncontrollably from orbit in the next few weeks but they only expect,  ooh lets see, about 1,200 pounds of metal to survive the re-entry back to Terra-firma or your face!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

NASA Claim Parts Of The Moon

You can't land that thing here, it' a no fly zone!!!

Oh for crying out loud, now NASA think they own the moon. Seems they want a “no fly” zone around the “historical sites” and “artefacts” left by Apollo 11 etc. Which, by the way, includes discarded food and abandoned astronaut faeces. Anyone who happens to land on the moon (insert snicker here) will not be allowed to go between 75-225 meters (250-750ft)  of each site. Hmm, is that a poor attempt to cover up the fact no one actually landed there or are they scared someone will nick the flag? Anywho, the reason for NASA becoming so precious is because of their concerns over the Google Lunar X prize. Google are offering a bucket load of money to whoever can land a robot on the moon, get it to move over 500meters and send back photos (a bit like Google streetscape only even more boring). NASA don’t want these robots messing with their mess.

Want sauce with that?

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Priorities!

Try a warmer climate next time!

OK people, guess how much money the US military spend on air conditioning in Iraq and Afghanistan each year? That would be $20.2 billion, yes I said BILLION!

Psst That’s more than  NASA’s budget!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never